World leaders mourn the loss of Andrew Deeks

The world’s foremost world leaders have paid tribute to the former president of UCD, Professor Andrew Deeks.

Deeks has not died, but gone to Australia, which in the eyes of this Harpy reporter, is essentially the same thing.

Noted beacon of morality and all-round good guy Vladimir Putin recalled Deeks as being “a top geezer”. In a statement issued from the Kremlin, Mr. Putin said “many a fond night was spent down the back of the clubhouse with Andy, will be missed, downing a Stella in your memory boss. Long live the King.”

Further tributes from the world of business have poured in, with reputable businessman Bernie Madoff speaking of the lessons Deeks taught him. “Before I met Andy, I knew you could sell your soul. However, I never knew that you could sell other people’s souls.”

The most excellent and brilliant and definitely-not-oppressive-at-all Chinese government has called Mr. Deeks a “brilliant negotiator”. “When he came into our HQ, got down on his knees and started kissing the floor, we knew he was a guy who would really stick up for his university, and so our fantastic new Confucius centre was built.” 

Putting this on the record, and in no way under any duress at all, this Harpy reporter would like to say how much I love the Confucius building, and that the Chinese government for me is at least a top five most cool and nice government.

Tributes from the world of showbiz have also flooded in, with Armie Hammer, Kevin Spacey, O.J. Simpson, Ezra Miller, and Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars all expressing their condolences.

Ar dheis de go raibh a hanam dilis. I would like to say we will never see his like again, but who the hell am I kidding?