What’s next for the Staff of the Observer’s 30th Volume ?

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With the term nearing its end, it’s time for the current UO editorial team to ponder on what’s in store for them

With the academic year coming to an end, so is the print run for Volume XXX of the University Observer. It is undeniable that it has been a successful year for the UO, between a plethora of nominations and accolades, and the overall shenanigans that characterise the job. 

With one foot halfway out the door, the current upper-editorial team can be found screaming, crying, and throwing up in the office, as they tie up loose ends and deal with issues that are way above their pay grade. Both Editors and the rest of the team are also currently evaluating their options for next year, which definitely makes for funnier content than anything that has been published in The Harpy throughout the year. 

So gird your loins, as we take a peek at the Volume XXX team’s future. 

Starting off with the recently crowned “Editor of the Year” Thérèse Ndjonkou, better known as Tessa, the Editor-in-Chief of the UO. After having just won the “big title” at the Student Media Awards, it certainly seems like there  might be a bright future ahead for her. As a young, talented Black woman, it appears to everyone as if she is on the best way to making a name for herself. Well, unless you are her mother SP, a witty and sharp woman who ironically would be frankly much better suited for the cutthroat world of journalism than her own spawn. In an exclusive comment given to us, SP disclosed that she does not think much of her daughter’s current position as Chief Editor. Nevertheless, as a woman who is always ready to be corrected if wrong (which has yet to happen), SP has decided to run for Editor-in-Chief of the UO in the following academic year to prove to her daughter that running a college paper “really isn’t that hard”. Our prediction is that while we will likely not see much of Tessa in the future, we will definitely see her mother rise to the top of the journalist world within the next five years. 

As for Ilaria Riccio, the feisty Deputy Editor of the UO, her path seems very clear to anyone who has spent more than thirty minutes in her presence. There are three topics Ms Riccio must speak about at least once every hour, otherwise she might combust. One, the Marvel fandom, two, the lack of gluten free food options (especially among Italian food), and three, the Sapphic agenda. Therefore, it should surprise nobody that in a year, we might see Ms Riccio turn her back onto the world of journalism in favour of pursuing her true passion: opening an Italian restaurant with solely gluten free items on the menu, only screening Marvel films and sports matches, and being exclusively open to queer women. It should not be a surprise either if Ms Riccio found a niche in the market and her restaurant “Il Dipartimento delle Saffiche Celiache” would become a mega hit among insufferable Dublin creatives. 

On their part, Art & Design Editor Ciara Darling has started training themselves to fight the urge to answer “graphic design is my passion” at every job interview. Their future plans also include continuing the thrilling “will they won’t they” saga they engaged in with Ilaria Riccio throughout the year (if you know, you know). 

Some section editors have launched a petition to keep the current upper-editorial team, threatening to join The College Tribune in protest. The petition was promptly taken down, however, when news spread that one Miranda P. has also applied to the Editor-in-Chief position of the UO for the upcoming academic year. Never has the team for Volume XXX - Ndjonkou, Riccio, and Darling included - returned to their tasks so promptly. 

Whilst these predictions might not become reality, we surely are curious to see what’s in store for an UO team that we’ve grown to love. 

Unless they get sacrificed to the UCD lake entity, of course. But such practices are only speculation at this point.