Crystal SwingIf there’s one thing the current music scene has been missing, it’s creepily enthusiastic Irish people with weird voices – and their Ma on the keyboard. With such epic hits as “He Drinks Tequila” Crystal Swing have become an internet sensation – and rumour has it that they’re hotly tipped to headline the UCD Ball. Keep it under your hat.CurlingWho knew fucking a big stone down some ice and chasing it with brushes is now considered a sport? Well apparently it is, and all the cool kids are now staying up til the wee hours to watch angry-looking females shout and do some fervent sweeping. There might be some rules or something, but mostly we watch so we can hear the ladies scream “HARD!”ScallyThe epitome of all Scallyness in the known universe, Scally is one hot piece of ass. Not only does he make good photos, his series of whiteboard sketches of the incumbent sabbatical officers (tentatively titled “The Retard Project”) will surely go down in history as one of the most important pieces of art of our generation. I heard that he runs on clockwork and thinks only in numbers.Elements breakfastsEveryone knows that the best time to eat breakfast is lunchtime – so thank Jebus one restaurant on campus realised this. Instead of ending breakfast at silly times like 11 and 11.30, you can get your daily bacon allowance right up until 12.25 in the bowels of the Science building. And they won’t charge you an extra euro for a burnt-but-somehow-still-at-room-temperature hash brown.Not:Oxegen lineupThank fuck for Electric Picnic is all I’ll say. I can’t think of a more torturous way to waste 200 quid than spending it on a weekend where I’ll have to sleep in mud/beer soup while having my tent peed on. Not to mention the fact that the likelihood of stabbing-by-angry-Eminem-fan is quite high. No thank you, MCD.LentAnyone else find it bizarre that the same people who’d laugh loudly at the idea of going to Mass outside of Easter and Christmas take fervently to the Lenten sacrifice like zealots on a pilgrimage? Here’s an insider tip – you don’t need God’s permission to go off chocolate, beer, takeaways, or porn. And in this failing economy, we can’t really afford to either.Rappers & SlappersAs if the women of UCD needed an excuse to go out dressed as slappers, never mind further encouragement. Aside from the logistical nightmare of the thing, the lack of originality or shame is astounding. Even the posters conjure up an image of randy teenagers rubbing their thighs in glee at their clever ploy to see naked women. They might as well have called it “Show Us Your Tits”.Not WashingPerhaps it’s just the Student Centre, but there’s been an alarming increase in the amount of people who simply do not wash. When did this become acceptable? Has a cool new trend just passed us by? Perhaps the number of dirty stopouts is vastly on the increase? We don’t know. All we know is that we’re tired of sharing office space with people who smell like vodka and shame.