Word has spread that the astral plane has taken on Newman. The following report details the adventure of Harper Harpenson, BA folklore student and resident ghost snatcher, as they took on this perilous task.

By Harpy Specter | Sep 15 2025

A bombardment of reports has hit The Harpy as the academic year begins: multiple credible ghost sightings—yes, actual ghouls—in the halls of Newman. At first, we chalked it up to a rogue goth or a frightened arts student, but uncertainty lingered.

To investigate, we assembled the Paranormal Investigators of Supernatural Sleuths (AKA P.I.S.S.), the finest ghost catchers this side of Belfield. Armed with only a flashlight, a pack of Malboros, and sheer passion, they ventured into Newman’s dreary halls to end the haunting.

Team leader Harper “The Púca Punisher” Harpinson said: “I’m not gonna lie, I was bricking it. I’d barely gotten my BA in folklore and now they’ve got me hunting demons. Not all bad though—reckon it’ll look good on the CV.”

Despite initial nerves, the team pressed on after detecting ectoplasmic spikes on their doo-hickey.

Readings peaked outside hall Q, where a familiar alumnus photo caught their eye: Ryan Tubridy, eyes aglow, radiating mystical energy. The team jumped into action, doing the only thing that could banish him—signing a cheque for 100 grand. The ghoul, grinning with luck, grabbed his pay and vanished. He’ll return it at some point, I’m sure.

After the mission, Harper remarked: “I might be in serious debt, but it was worth it. Honestly that ghoul was the liveliest character I’ve seen in Newman for a while”.