UCD’s University Management Team (UMT) have requested that alumni “Rev us on that 50c there if you get a minute”, after alumni drank coffees and teas provided at graduations.
“I think graduates misunderstood the invitation, when it said complimentary drinks, it meant you give the compliments to us” the UMT told the Harpy. “Really sorry about this but it’s definitely going to be at least 50c a head to cover costs, so if students could just go ahead and Rev that on whenever, that’d be great.”
“Actually, now that it’s been brought up”, the UMT continued, “the auld ink used on the diplomas doesn’t grow on trees. I think it's roughly about 75c for that, so if alumni could just send that on too whenever they have it handy, we’d be golden.”
Upon being asked by this Harpy reporter if the statement ended there, the UMT confirmed that would be all, but proceeded to ask “Is there anyone we could nab a rollie off? We’ll get you back again.”
Later that evening, over drinks with the press corp, the UMT were in high spirits despite the announcement. Unfortunately, a family emergency forced them all to “dip out” just before it was their turn to buy a round. Despite the UMT being less than 40 years of age, they proceeded to ask for children’s tickets on the bus.
The UMT have a busy calendar, including attending a “movie day” event in UCD Cinema, at which they snuck in snacks under their coat, as “the prices you’d pay for popcorn these days, lads, is ridiculous.” The movie day was arranged to honour a donor of note to the University, a Mr. Eugene Krabs, who seemed to enjoy proceedings.
Anyone with any queries for the UMT can get in touch with them by scheduling appointments online. Service fees apply.