As the year comes to a close, and the student bodies' ever steadfast elected representatives begin the process of vacating their offices, making way for new blood in the UCDSU chalice, it is only right that the paper interrogate them on campaign promises kept and broken.
Thus, we bring to you now: How many worms the Sabbats actually did eat (half worms will not be counted, following the 1993 mini worm debacle, to attempt to save on broken limbs.)
Molly Greenough: President Greenough, despite pledging a mere 47 worms throughout the entirety of her year long term, gave up after only seven, citing that the worm juice soothed her vocal cords too much, and that she had a “brand to maintain.” If we were to count worms smoked, however, she comes out on top with 8,456 worms inhaled in their gaseous form.
Ciara Moroney: Moroney was projected to eat zero worms, as her body is a temple and her taste buds delicate and sensitive, like a newborn. However, upon her exit from Food Soc they were filed down ceremonially, so that she may never roast a boar again. She ate 5 worms as a dare by the kegs outside Clubhouse.
Míde Nic Fhionnlaoich: Nic Fhionnlaoich may have dodged us last year, leaving us to estimate either 1 or 72 worms during her time as Welfare officer. However, the Golden Guts Gaeilgeoir put even our own estimates to shame, eating not only her own share of worms, but Campaign Officer O’Keeffe’s as well. She ate 723 worms, and maintains that she would again.
Martha Ní Riada: Ní Riada, despite what her extensive college debating history may imply, managed to dodge eating a single worm this year. She promises to make up the difference next year though, pinkie swear.
Robyn O’Keeffe: While O’Keeffe may be a good comrade and wish to eat as many worms as required of her, she has been found to be in possession of a remarkably weak constitution. She promises she really did try eat worms, really, but she kept throwing them up and couldn’t catch them again.
Marc Matouc: Having missed the first round of elections last year, Matouc never actually pledged any worms with us, and seemed fully unaware that it was a part of the job. As punishment, he will have to eat twice as many as Nic Fhoinnlaoich, who quite frankly, absolutely dominated her peers.