It really does pay to be the most humble newspaper on campus.
The UCD Students’ Union (UCDSU) Board of Directors has reported an unprecedented “one billion euro” income attributed to advertisement revenue from The University Observer. It really does pay to be the most humble newspaper on campus, The Harpy can confirm.
This budget was reported to the SU Council on October 14 and unanimously approved, followed by thunderous applause and a standing ovation, despite heckling from bitter third-party agitators from the College Tribune, a lesser-known local tabloid.
The Board of Directors of the UCDSU Company, the body responsible for putting together the budget, is well-noted in the accounting community for its intense diligence and accuracy in financial matters.
Following a year of record-shattering readership and unorthodox partnership agreements with most companies on the Fortune 500 (except for the bad ones), The University Observer has managed, by some machination of divine will, to increase its expected revenue from zero euros to exactly one billion without surrendering any journalistic integrity. This places the Observer – and by extension the Students Union – as the 4253th highest-earning company in the world, tied with several Arab petrochemical processing firms.
At press time, which for the University Observer is all the time, editor-in-chief Oisín Gaffey said: “This might look like a win for us, but everyone benefits when we make money…” while wearing a monocle and lighting a Cuban cigar with a burning 500 euro banknote in hand.