Harpy Editor Hazen E. Griffin reports from Deepest Darkest BELFIELD.
In a statement yesterday, Richard Johnson, a representative of the Kerry-based development firm Hornpipe Capital (widely considered to be a vulture fund), announced that they had purchased the Sex Shack on UCD campus and have “firm plans” to erect an apartment complex on the site of the facility.
The Sex Shack has enjoyed a rich and storied history as a place where students and staff alike can unwind and express themselves, joining the ranks of the Secret Lake, The Clubhouse bathroom, and the James Joyce Library as places that provide essential campus services.
“Obviously we’re going to fight this… We wouldn’t be as concerned if it were a Bear fund, though. Ha ha, get it? Like a gay bear?”, said a man wearing a latex gimp mask who we found in an alleyway claiming to represent the UCD Students’ Union. The UCDSU, LGBTSoc, and the Take Back Our Spaces Coalition, have pledged to hold a rally during SHAG week in protest.
Hornpipe stated that construction would begin “as soon as possible”, and that essential construction materials like caulk, asbestos, and various rubbers were already being shipped for use.
During press time, Hornpipe declined to respond to questions about whether or not the building would be affordable for students, stating “What housing crisis? We’re literally building more houses.” UCD administration could not be reached for comment.