UCD School of Medicine to offer modules in homeopathy for incoming first years - The Harpy

In an attempt to commence the phasing out of the old curriculum in the School of Medicine, UCD will offer several modules in homeopathic care in medicine for incoming first years in the academic year 2019/2020. The decision was made after the Higher Education Authority (HEA) published a report in which recently-graduated doctors, nurses and midwives were interviewed over how they acclimatised to working in hospitals. The graduates highlighted a severe lack in the representation of homeopathic practises at industry level in the Irish healthcare system.

Dean of Medicine in UCD, Professor Michael Keane welcomed the news of the new modules in UCD, stating that “this new way of thinking will surely have an impact on the CAO points for health science related courses. I myself look forward to getting my hands dirty in our ‘rich soil healing farm’ that will be installed over the summer break.” Homeopathy, which is school of thought that believes the body can heal itself (weird flex but okay), Prof Keane believes that this ethos will inspire students to teach themselves in the field of medicine.

At a press conference earlier last week, Prof Keane took questions on the layout of the natural medicine route of learning. Announced at the press conference, held in the newly furbished University Club, Prof Keane unveiled the flagship module HOMO10050 Physician Heal Thyself, which according to the module description, aims to teach students the basics of the self treatment using crystals, herbal remedies and dilutions of opioids. Keane hopes that with the success of this module, successful students will move on to hands-on experience in hospital morgues “as the insurance won’t cover teaching with live patients.”

A spokesperson from the office of Minister for Health Simon Harris told The Harpy that the minister “was excited to see this transition to more user-friendly alternative solutions to nasty tummy bugs that will hopefully reduce the overall workload for healthcare professionals across the country.” The Harpy did not receive a comment at the time of publishing when asking Minister Harris if introducing this new healthcare reform would distract from the failure of the government to increase the nurses’ and midwives’ salaries.

Not everyone held the news in such high regard. Senior staff from the School of Psychology were seen protesting outside the University Club and remarked with dismay that “such modules will steal their thunder amongst our peers in the scientific community.” This was met with appropriate rapturous laughter from all in attendance at the press conference. Ms Cliodhna O’Connor, a research fellow, dismissed the module as “pandering to the hypochondriac masses that want an alternative to vaccines. Everyone knows if you understand the behaviour of the virus, you can talk to it and get to the root of why it causes harm to people.”

Further concerns were raised over the lack of sufficient equipment necessary for the modules to go ahead as planned. Tipped module coordinator Dr John Baugh reassured those in attendance that he was in contact with outside contractors to supply equipment for the laboratory sessions. The Harpy later discovered that Dr Baugh was referring to UCD’s Horticulture Society for assistance. Society auditor Dan Connor spoke to The Harpy saying “[Dr Baugh] asked if we could grow ‘essence of nightshade’ in our greenhouse for the class. I tried to explain to him that we weren’t interested in participating in what I frankly thought was a bad joke, but he wouldn’t listen.”

HOMO10050 Physician Heal Thyself will be a five credit module for pre-med students, beginning in the academic year 2019/2020. The module will consist of lectures from experts in the homeopathy, along with guest lectures from Rachel Smith, business owner of Rachel’s Remedies in Terenure, Co Dublin. The end of semester examination will be a 100% interview based assessment, where students’ auras will be judged on how well they absorbed the good vibes of the module and the clearness of the chakras.

More information on the module and education plan can be found on the UCD’s School of Medicine website, or by making an appointment with Dr Baugh.