The UCD call centre has changed its hiring practice to focus on unpaid postgraduate workers and impoverished Victorian orphans, The Harpy has learned.
The UCD call centre is owned and run by the Foundation for Unethical Currency Collection UCD (FUCC UCD). According to their website, their mission is to “foster a sense of fealty and devotion among alumni”. Located in the lower dungeons of the Tierney Building, their strategy is to phone alumni to requisition charitable “donations” of either one’s life savings or the soul of the alum’s firstborn.
The new HR policy book for the Call Centre was leaked to The Harpy by a disgruntled academic who stated: “Moloch would run a less cruel university”. Inside, it is stated that “As PhD students are already beholden to the University Management Team subcommittee on Exploitation, they are far cheaper than part-time staff with contacts who can avail of minimum wage laws”. It is understood that these changes are being made as previous employees have either died of consumption or found less miserable work as chimney sweeps or indentured servants.
Conor Anderson, CEO and President UCDSU Ltd. told The Harpy “I'm pretty sure our employment practices are all above board, or at any rate anyone who did have a complaint has since been fired”.
A spokesperson for the UCD Postgraduate Workers Alliance stated: “This dreadful behaviour means we simply MUST change our name and organise a meeting. Postgraduate workers have been exploited too much for us to not organise a meeting and change our name”.