Been dealing with da huns problems since 445AD… Ur resident agony aunt & Hunnic Emperor lol! Don’t mess wit my girlos or I’ll wreck u like I wrecked da city of Aquileia . Xoxo. Tweet me!

Alrigh’ Hun,

Whats de actual fookin story with doin’ a J1 in de summer? My auld pair are in a hoop here tryin’ to get me to sign up for one, nd I would n all ‘cept one of the girls is friend’s wit Johnno’s mate Bifto’s mate Ziggy, nd he’s yer man who owns one of dem hat stands at festivals dat sells all hats nd shit at festivals. She’s sayin we could get a job off him sellin hats and paintin’ faces for schaldy hoors fer the summer, but like, should I actualy just give up on bein a J1 hack?
In bits.
Millinera xx


Howiye love.
Well like, both Dublin and the States have public parks and sell cans, so like, yer set for a good summer either way? I’d nearly go to de U.S. purely for de fact dat ye get the most stunnin’ profile pictures der ever! Only thing is, if yiz are abso sure dat ye can get the job sellin’ hats yiz should stay here and buzz offa that.

I worked in one dem once, dis mad time after me and the girlos were stopped by de poxy double walls of Constantinople. We’d already bolloxed de Romans n’everything, nd were just floatin around doin’ nuthin’, so we set up a glam lil’ facepaintin booth fer the craic. De armies we half-killed actually thot it was mad cute ‘n’ fun too,
‘Tila xoxo


Hiya Hun,
Here, I’ve been sick as a hoor fer ages, nd den I stalled it to the doctor last week fer sum codeine to tide it out, but the absolute slutbag gives me a load of antibiotics instead. So I have te stop garglin fer fer weeks!? That doctor is some fat knacker if she thinks I can be sober for Duke Dumont this week. ‘nd dese are the specially bogey antibiotics that ruin ye even if yer only west coast cooler like a spa. Is der any way I can still sesh, or should I try to give a shit bout like, college or whatever?
Beibho xx


C’mere to me,
First tings first, ye can definitely still sesh. Bein on medicine can be a bogey lifestyle change fer sum, but wiv a bitta thought u can still maintain a healthy balance of goin on fat benders most nites. Don’t even try to make dis an excuse to study, unless yer a raging softcock. Get back on the codeine. I’ve been slakin’ codeine since opium was introduced te China ‘round 400AD, it revolutionised the sesh at the time.

Me and the girls were actually de first motts gettin absolutely binned on purple drank, we were just forced to sterilize some shcaldy lake water by heatin’ it and then we thought sure like chuck in some tea, bergamot n’ opium fer the craic. Was actually whopper.
Ask fer Codinex in yer local Pharmo, nd den mix 2 parts mountain dew for every one part cough syrup. It’s a sesh’s best friend.
‘Tila xoxo