Been dealing with da huns problems since 445AD… Ur resident agony aunt & Hunnic Emperor lol! Don’t mess wit my girlos or I’ll wreck u like I wrecked da city of Aquileia . xoxo. Tweet me!

Hiya Hun!
C’mere, I was on me way to de boardwalk fer cans wiv the girls der d’other nite when these two lads come up to me sellin’ hash. Like, who do I even look like? I don’t get my hash from street bogeys cos I’m not a street bogey, but ye one was a complete lash like, so I was chattin him up an’anyways til yer man he’s with grabs my iPhone, nd they pegged it nd didn’t even say it was class or nuthin, even tho my new cover was made from real lizard? So like, should I tell the guards? Cos them softcocks never solved an’thin’ and in case they did get yer man I don’t want his wetzer mate to think I’m shit craic??
Furta xxx

Ah here,
A real similar thing happen’d us when we were wreckin de gaff in Moesia. ‘cept we were actualy out lookin for hash co like we’d just laid waste to a city like so obviously we were gonna pan out and blaze it. But the shcaldy lads we found sellin’ were tryin’ to hop us, so I decked yer man back and we were killin’ each other fer a while before we all realised we could just be shmokin instead? Had a class time in the end. The guards are no use to ye anyways, and I’d say yer man’s actually gas if he’s any sort of self-respectin’ spliffer. Just text yer own number and ay yer wearing disco pants? Should work handy
‘Tila xoxo


Story Hun,
So here look, I’m probly after failin’ one of my exams der before Christmas… Which’d actually be grand because that Genetics course can suck the dick and all, but my auld pair are tellin me I can’t go Twisted Pepper til summer if I fail an’thin’. I know we didn’t get results yet but like I couldn’t answer a single question apart from de ones wher I could somehow give de lecturer my number or proposition him with a sketch of us ridin. D’ye reckon that’d be ‘nuff to get me thru, or is there some way that being cute n’ fun can get me extra credits??
Deluda xx

C’mere to me love,
The absolute hack of shnakin’ yer way back up in marks. We’ve all been there tho, actually when we were getting bet by the filthy Sassinid wankstains in Armenia me an’ the girls tried like getting all cosy wiv them on all their twitters and stuff to see if we could sway them but den they actually gave us more shit and slaughtered a couple hundred more of my kin. Aaaaabsolute shitballers!
But dem academia hacks are a different breed, sure they’re only bleerin rarin to their hole. figure out which tutor was markin the papers, so at least score yer lecturer to find that out first. Then shift that tutor. Or if the lecturer doesn’t tell ye just score all de tutors it could potentially be? They won’t object. And it’ll be an investment since yiz could get the same tutor for sumthin’ this semester. Be grand.
Attila xoxo