Judith Bellmunt Gras examines the male loneliness epidemic through a critical lens and asks if it really is as simple as the internet makes it out to be.
If you have social media, chances are you have come across the term "male loneliness epidemic”. Although conversations about men’s mental health are extremely important, much of the discussion online takes an intrinsically misogynistic view, blaming women for not fulfilling men’s social needs, not wanting to date, or focusing too much on themselves. This framing ignores the root causes of the issue in favour of a narrative that obscures the role that institutions like patriarchy play in increasing rates of loneliness.
First of all, it is worth mentioning that whilst there are differences in loneliness rates to do with age, sexuality, disability, ethnicity and financial status, there is no difference between men and women’s loneliness rates. A 2025 study from the Pew Research Center found that the difference is just 1%, with 16% of men and 15% of women reporting feeling “lonely or isolated all or most of the time.” Loneliness is rising amongst everyone in our societies, especially younger generations. The difference is that men are less likely to reach out for help because society stigmatises men’s mental health and socialises them from a young age into avoiding vulnerability.
Loneliness is rising amongst everyone in our societies, especially younger generations. The difference is that men are less likely to reach out for help because society stigmatises men’s mental health and socialises them from a young age into avoiding vulnerability.
The consequences of loneliness cannot be understated. Studies have found that loneliness is associated with different health problems, including greater risk of premature death, cardiovascular illness, anxiety, dementia, depression and strokes. It is also linked with higher suicide rates. Men are nearly four times more likely than women to commit suicide. Male suicide rates make up for nearly 80% of all suicides despite them making up only 50% of the population.
One of the principal reasons men are experiencing a heightened sense of loneliness compared to women is because oftentimes, they struggle to maintain emotional fulfillment outside of romantic relationships. They tend to depend on romantic partners for emotional support - unlike women, who usually have wider networks of close female and family relationships. Furthermore, there is a rising trend of celibacy with women, who claim to be happier than ever - indicating that women may not depend on romantic partners for emotional fulfillment to the same degree.
In a survey conducted by the University Observer aimed at exploring UCD students' opinions on the male loneliness epidemic, one student replied that, “most straight guys will not admit that they are not okay alone, but the rebound relationships come in quick after a breakup. No space in between, which makes you wonder whether they really moved on or just can't be alone because they have gotten so used to the cosy emotional labour. Male loneliness isn't fun, and at least subconsciously most know that.”
The host of the podcast “The Psychology of Your 20s” Jemma Sbeg discusses the term patriarchal bargain, which refers to how women settle and compromise with the patriarchy for the benefits it gives them in exchange, when discussing the male loneliness epidemic. She discusses how in the past women were more likely to settle for men when dating, because it increased their status in society and gave them more economic power. However, nowadays because of feminism in liberal societies, women have increasing autonomy to choose their life partners, and get to set their own standards.
In the words of another student in the survey, “if I wanted to educate someone on how to communicate, then I would be a teacher; raise someone, then I would be a mum; train someone and explain boundaries, then I would get a puppy.”
Women are getting sick and tired of taking on "manchildren" and of being “mother” roles for their boyfriends. In the words of another student in the survey, “if I wanted to educate someone on how to communicate, then I would be a teacher; raise someone, then I would be a mum; train someone and explain boundaries, then I would get a puppy”.
The viral Vogue article, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” by Chanté Joseph captures this changing social dynamic. Whereas in the past women were taught by society to center romantic relationships, find their prince charming, and not end up a “spinster”, “old maid”, or a “crazy cat lady”, women are now rejecting being defined by whether or not they have a boyfriend, as well as who that boyfriend is. The article discusses how women are less likely to post their boyfriends online, and how they are more likely to not show their faces if they do so.
Red pill content makers in social media atmospheres influence vulnerable young men to find an “easy” scapegoat in women and their lack of romantic or sexual interest in these men. Naturally, this only serves to further their loneliness in the long term as women are less likely to want to be in relationships with sexist men who blame them for their problems. And again, it is not a woman's job to solve the male masculinity crisis by dating them. Men need to work on themselves, on their friendships with other men and women, the latter of which can only happen if they see them as equals in the first place.
Of course, there needs to be structural changes in how society works for that to be able to happen. Men have to be encouraged from a young age to talk about their feelings, as well as taught how to manage their emotions, and how to support others, just like women are, so that they can be better partners and friends. This would also contribute to dismantling the belief that women are “naturally” better at doing such emotional labour, when in reality they are conditioned to do so.
Men need to work on themselves, on their friendships with other men and women, the latter of which can only happen if they see them as equals in the first place.
Additionally, men need to have more healthy masculine role models online as opposed to red pill content creators. Another respondent to the survey discussed how “men need to encourage each other to find community” as they “genuinely believe they won’t listen to women over men’s opinion as a whole”.
Jemma Sbeg discusses how there’s an entitlement issue behind putting the blame on women. Men think women owe them relationships, and particularly sex. The alarming consequences of this are increased violence and sexual assault against women. As a UCD student claims in the survey, “young men [are] being convinced by alt-right platformers with convictions that society and women owe them relationships and sexual favours”.
Finally, men have to urgently become more involved in the conversation in a constructive manner. One student brought forward how they see mainly women talk about the issue on social media, and do not see men talk about it except as, “a rebuttal towards a woman in an insulting manner”. More men need to start awakening to the patriarchy, and criticising it, instead of women. If not, the male loneliness epidemic will be viewed as something orchestrated by incels to guilt-trip women for not wanting to date them, blaming it on "feminism" when the real cause is their toxic masculinity and huge waving red flags.
We should not forget that although the patriarchy harms men as well as women, it is ultimately also created by men. It is not women’s responsibility to teach men how to become more vulnerable - men need to lead the way for other men.