Robin Crotty explores the evolution of ‘getting the ick’.
Is it being too picky or is it being discerning? Are we deciding to stop settling for less, or is it a symptom of a society that can’t stop seeking perfection?
There are constant op-eds on how dating culture is changing, for better or worse. The concept of ‘the ick’, a sudden loss of attraction to someone, usually over something minor, is a popular topic. To qualify as an ick, experts agree that the instance needs to be an entirely normal event, one that isn't a universal turn-off, like bad hygiene or a widely accepted red flag, like never turning up to a date on time. This is the difference between an ick and an ‘eek’. If you’re unsure as to whether your current romantic interest has displayed an eek or an ick, simply ask your friends; I guarantee they’ll know.
Instagram accounts like “submityourick” with almost 600,000 followers, providing cinematic productions of the public's tales is a recent iteration of the ick, but the ick has been circling the cultural consciousness for longer than you might think. Both ‘Friends’ and ‘Sex and the City’ had an episode entitled ‘The Ick Factor’ in 1995 and 2004 respectively. The 2017 season of ‘Love Island’, where contestant Olivia Attwood claimed a fellow contestant gave her “the ick” sparked the ongoing social media obsession with the term.
A 2025 study entitled The ick: Disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism in mate choice thresholds finds that while acting on the ick may allow people to end incompatible relationships early on, it may also lead to overly rigid dating standards; one tends to ‘get the ick’ or is ‘given the ick’ – it is uncommon to ‘get rid of’ the ick and is a seemingly permanent affliction.
Despite reports of fatigue with dating apps, young adults in Ireland still commonly rely on apps like Hinge to find a relationship. On social media, and on dating sites, people are reduced to a few (often highly selective) images, some choice words, and controlled virtual interaction. Upon meeting this person, there is much more opportunity for expectations to be shattered and for crafted personas to crack.
We have always acted a certain way and projected certain things in order to attract people; it's only now, our ability to do that has increased astronomically. Maybe our idealised self can be maintained for one date, maybe two. Not in appearance but in personality, interests, and mannerisms. But eventually, that fades away and icks reveal themselves; none of this is new. What is new is our ability to delude each other so effectively. This power, alongside our ever-increasing hunger for perfection, and our anger at anything that is not just-so creates a highly pressurised dating environment.
We all have certain hard nos, which are completely acceptable, but next time you ‘get the ick’ maybe think a little harder about why. This is not to say that everyone should ignore traits that irritate them when dating, only to remember the performance we’re forcing each other to act out.