The Harpy - Horror; That Person You Shifted Over Christmas Goes To UCD, And They're A Fresher

You probably shouldn’t have told your friends about it.

Sources for the Harpy have confirmed your worst nightmares. That girl that you shifted in your local pub at home over Christmas has been spotted in UCD, and it’s clear to see that she is also a fresher at the college. Your friends have already been informed about this revelation, and David is about to send a scathing text message into the group chat roasting you beyond belief.

Local bartender, Cathal MyName, remembers seeing the entire event playing out in Flaherty’s bar. “It looked like you kind of just fell into each other. She was standing there with a group of her friends, talking about how great it was that none of her Christmas exams counted towards her final marks when she was finished at college in 4 years time, and then as you walked past you made eye contact with each other and just started shifting. It was very uncomfortable for everyone else around. It looked like two horses trying to eat peanut butter out of the other one’s mouth.” He claimed that you only moved whenever a friend of your dad’s pushed through to get a pint, but security footage from the bar’s smoking area shows that you continued to make people uncomfortable with the levels of tongue that you both were getting into as you were going at each other.

In a stroke of blind luck, it seems as though you avoided going home with her at the end of the night. Local sources say that just before you could agree to head into a taxi, the kebab you had eaten decided to make an appearance again, and that you were stuck in the bushes throwing up for a considerable amount of time. While this may have seemed unlucky at the time, you saved yourself from further chastising from your friend group. You just found out that Mark’s younger sister is friends with the girl that you kissed, and that he’s “going to have to put you on a list or something”. Your nickname in the chat has been changed to Rolf Harris, and you’re pretty sure you can never go back to your local again.

While you may have suspected that she could have been in UCD when her face appeared on Tinder, this sighting last week has confirmed it entirely. You have already started coming to terms with the fact that you contemplated sleeping with someone with no recollection of 9/11.