In a press statement released to The Harpy today, UCD Dramsoc have announced that President Andrew Deeks will be playing the part of Ebeneezer Scrooge in their production of “A Christmas Carol”. The miserly old grinch will be appearing on stage alongside other Dramsoc members in an attempt to boost ticket sales through a publicity stunt. While some see the casting as nothing more than a shallow cash grab, Dramsoc insists that “there is no one better for the job” and that “it’s crazy we haven’t done this before”.
An inside source has informed The Harpy that President Deeks has not been incredibly co-operative through the creative process. Changes and edits have been made to the initial script due to suggestions made by Deeks. The majority of edits have been small wordswaps, such as Scrooge being addressed as “Your Holiness” for the majority of the piece, an incredibly long and graphic sex scene between Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Present, and the part of Marley being portrayed by a dog. The most controversial edit, however, has been the total alteration of the script. In a final draft script obtained by The Harpy, we can report that the play ends with Scrooge ignoring the Ghost Of Christmas Future’s warning and going on to lead an incredibly happy life with his money. “We tried to explain to him why Scrooge needed to learn his lesson at the end of the play, but it seemed like Deeks didn’t really understand that life wasn’t all about money either” commented one actor, who wished to remain anonymous, almost definitely due to his lack of acting capability. “The edits have really put a lot of stress on us. If I have to clean up dog shit out of the Red Room carpet again I will throw myself off the top of Newman”.
Not only has Deeks proven to be controversial while on the stage, it is true to say that he can be quite controversial while off it as well. President Deeks has taken the distinction of being Dramsoc’s first ever paid actor. Although we were unable to receive an exact amount of how much Deeks was paid, we were told by a representative of the President that it was “enough to get a short flight to Paris”, which by UCD’s standards comes to an average of four thousand euro. President Deeks has also been given his own dressing room which we could not enter along with the rest of the crew. We are not entirely sure what items can be found inside this dressing room, but a scout spotted several live geese being brought into the room wearing blindfolds, and the geese were never seen again.
Tickets to “Deeks’ Christmas Carol” are on sale now from the Dramsoc Theatre starting from sixty euro, with a special “seated” deal for two hundred euro per chair.