TFI announces plan to have 17 running on time by 2087

Transport for Ireland have announced plans to have the 17 bus running on time by 2087, provided all goes well.

There had initially been plans to have the bus running punctually by 2045, but these have had to be revised due to “pandemic-related delays or the war in Ukraine or something.”

The announcement has been met with protests, with students claiming that the 17 bus route is being prioritised over other routes that are notoriously unreliable, including the 39a and the 145. These protestors have been told to go fuck themselves. 

Speaking to the Harpy on the overarching infrastructural strategy the City of Dublin is currently pursuing, Mr. Lewis Driver reported that “the plan is basically the same as our environmental commitments. If we tell people that things are definitely going to be done, but in a really really long time, they’ll swallow any load of old bollocks. Metro for Dublin? Coming July 2100. A third Luas line? Sure thing, if you can wait a century or so. We’re planning to add railways in Donegal sometime just before the sun expands, devouring the entire solar system.”

A protest against the perceived lethargy in implementing changes to bus routes was planned to take place in front of UCD’s O’Reilly Hall last week, though had to eventually be cancelled after protestors’ buses, which were due in 1 minute, vanished.

Speaking on behalf of the University, UCD Acting President Mark Rodgers welcomed the announcement, stating that “though the last time I had to rely on public transport was 1965, I am glad that it has progressed so little in this country that students can practically experience public transport exactly as it was then.” Mr. Rodgers also suggested that if students were unhappy with public transport options, they should just hire a private limo and chauffeur instead.