Tallyrand: Vol XXVII Issue 6

Hear ye, hear ye,

Tis I, Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

The week just past filled me with joy as I experienced the Union’s Penile Health And Girth, (PHAG) Week. At Council, my fifth favourite Officer Ruairí Powerless told fellow attendees he had nice plans for PHAG. And boy, did he! From what I gather, not only did 800 people attend the interactive BDSM workshop, but also XXXXXXX XXXXXXX looked much better in a gimp mask. Who needs to bring in sexperts when the Sabbatical team are already so proficient?

My informants from the Codswallop & Excrement tell tales that Gayton Laigh is ready to enthuse students about Sabbatical elections. Excellent idea! Hopefully they start by making the website navigable, or at least readable. Failing that, they could try to film a video where they don’t speak in monotone. Too much to ask?

A little birdie has told me that Connor O’hAndérsáin takes his marching orders from the IRA army council, so Deeksie boy: Watch out, he knows where you live. Mind you, if his terrorism is as effective as his union, you’re safe as. ‘Tiochaid ár lá’ indeed.

Carla Bumblin’-on wasn’t around this week, as the over 85s are advised to stay home during the cold upon being given the first round of the vaccine. But don’t fret - time to get buzzin’! Sarah Michalek has invited The Happy Pear, as if UCD isn’t gay enough already. Tally feels left out as a mostly heterosexual sort-of christian in this PC Union.

Hannah Bryson’s tenure so far has been as good as her campaign video, and she is still working hard, as she promised, to play board-games. Thankfully Bryson and Powerless have put their petty squabbling behind them, and have agreed to have a full on fight behind the Student Centre once lockdown ends. Watch yourself boy, those nordies know how to fight dirty.

Slanderous rumours aside, I can confirm that absolute buffoons who run this rag are in fact technically braindead. As of yet they haven't actually read an article they have published. To demonstrate: “Cock”.

And with that unpublishable filth,

Tallyho and Tally out!