Super Bowel Movement


The Badger is sick of American Football hype

The Badger’s least favourite time of the year is coming, and since the Badger is an absolute playa, it isn’t Valentine’s Day; it’s Super Bowl Sunday.


It’s the day when half the population of Ireland pretends to be American, not by eating too much fast food or bombing the Middle East, but by sitting down to watch American football. The Badger’s main problem with American football used to be its ridiculous name. Calling a sport ‘football’ when the ball is so rarely kicked in a match used to irritate the Badger, but since watching the endless series of handpasses in Gaelic, it’s become apparent to the Badger that the use of feet is not a vital aspect in naming a sport ‘football’.

But there are so many reasons to dislike American football, not least the time it airs this side of the Atlantic. The Badger is nocturnal, yet still doesn’t bother to watch the NFL; is the Badger alone in thinking that that time of the night should be dedicated to hunting mice?

Not to badger on about time, but when more of a game is spent in studio analysing the plays, than on the field, you’re probably not watching the best sport.

The Badger will concede that the NFL has some of the best athletes in the world, but it remains less a sport, and more an anorak’s wet dream, since the sport’s platform is completely based on statistics. A player can’t be judged by anything but a number on a page, to the point where watching a match is more like watching an outdoor maths class.

American football is the basis for movies including Remember the Titans and Any Given Sunday, so it is also responsible for drunks and coaches of underage GAA teams poorly retelling the speeches, and attempting to recreate the dance, in a feeble attempt to replicate Al Pacino and Ryan Gosling. Surely this is a crime grave enough to ban the sport?

And then there’s Michael Vick. Is it unfair to judge an entire sport by the actions of one player? No, because the Badger says so. So, one of the NFL’s best players of the last decade gets bored and organises some dog fighting rings? Again, the Badger may be alone here, but he doesn’t agree with this.

So the Badger will not watch the Super Bowl XZII$Q. In all honesty, the Badger would rather see what’s going on in Michael Vick’s back garden than watch the Super Bowl. It’d probably be easier on the eye too.