"Nobody has ever mentioned an engagement crisis to me. Ever."

By India Straits | Mar 24 2025

As rumours rumble around UCD campus of another round of SU elections approaching, whispers have already been heard in the blowing of the wind, uttered in the hushed voices of Richview, mumbled through the briefest of exchanges around the one working microwave on campus. 

As college officer candidates crawl out from the depths of their self-respect, cracking their knuckles, buckling their seatbelts, setting the stage, starting their vocal warmups, the whispers are getting louder - the words that haunt generation after generation of husting attendees: “I will tackle the engagement crisis in UCDSU.”

However, across campus in the Students’ Union Offices, President Miranda Bauer is too busy packing her suitcase and buying a one-way ticket to ‘anywhere else’ to notice. “I gave my all to this union, and frankly I’d like my all back now”, she says in a comment to The Harpy. 

A reporter for The Harpy asked Bauer if she sees an end to the engagement crisis coming anytime soon, to which she says “I see an end to my tenure coming, and that’s enough”. Bauer then began climbing out the window of her office, so The Harpy’s reporter promptly left, not wanting to break the coveted HR rules of the SU, and be unsupervised in the office corridors. 

SU President Miranda Bauer was later overheard in confused conversation with a former 145 bus driver, admitting “Nobody has ever mentioned an engagement crisis to me. Ever.”, before adding “marriage is a patriarchal sham anyway. An engagement crisis is a win for women.”