A UCD student has been detained after members of campus security discovered he was in possession of over 300 grams of Coke with an estimated street value of €1.10.
The student, who cannot currently be named, was in Theatre L in the Newman building when another student noticed the can in his bag and notified security. He was detained shortly after and the lecture was cut short as the lecture hall was placed under quarantine
Inside sources reveal the student was startled and confused as staff members in hazmat suits patted him down and searched through his belongings for further contraband. While no other incriminating pieces of evidence were found, it has been reported that his bag was full of old worksheets, some of which looked like they were from as early as fifth year.
The status of this student is currently unknown. When The Harpy contacted the college for comment, they replied with “Who cares?”. While his location also remains a mystery, other students have reported hearing screams and rattling sounds from the Newman tunnels over the past week.
As of June 2018, there has been a ban of high sugar drinks on campus with the goal of encouraging students to choose healthier drinks. We met with a representative from the student health board to discuss the ban.
We began by asking how this ban came to be implemented and learned that the idea came from the government’s sugar tax. Following a successful trial period in January, the ban came into effect.
Next, we inquired as to why high-sugar drinks were banned while chocolate, crisps, jellies, sweets and cakes as well as red meat, pizza and fried food were still available everywhere on campus. We also asked why low-sugar soft drinks evaded the ban despite their links to weight gain, headaches, tooth decay, type 2 diabetes, Metabolic syndrome (including high blood pressure, high blood sugar, high cholesterol and excess stomach fat), heightened risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, increased risk of stroke and decreased bone density. In response to this, the representative took a swig from a hip flask and then winked at our reporter. The meaning of this response is unknown.
A 2014 report found that 100% of third-level students in Ireland have experimented with Coke on at least one occasion. It is unclear how this recent ban has affected this number. However, it is believed that this number has fallen radically since its implementation.