Hazen E. Griffin Investigates...
ST. STEPHEN’S GREEN– General public discontent can be felt among the populace nearby St. Stephen’s Green today as the Harry Street statue of Thin Lizzy rockstar Phil Lynott, The Ace With The Bass, has cracked from the weight of carrying perceptions of Black Irish people in the eyes of the public, The Harpy can confirm.
Like many other Irish people, Lynott was born in England to Irish and English parents, but by age 9 the boy was back in town and spent much of his life in Dublin.
“It really is just too bad that the statue of the only Irish person to ever be Black has cracked. What? There are others? Nah, If there were, we probably would have learned about them in school or something”, said a local passerby who no longer wanted to be named after learning that he was going in the newspaper.
Dublin City Council has responded by pledging to fix the crack swiftly, and has announced plans to erect a second statue of Phil Lynott to prevent this from ever happening again; the Harris government has come out in strong support of this, and has set aside the €14 billion from the Apple tax case to pay for the new statue.
“I don’t know how this could have happened. Can metal even crack?” said Joe Alloy, The Harpy’s resident metallurgist.
Phil Lynott could not be reached for comment.