Staff Recommends - Evil Cocktails

Image Credit: Laoise Tarrant

Andy, Sinéad, Doireann and Gavin talks us through their deceiptful cocktail recipes.

Andrew Nolan

This is more of a shot as you could probably deduce from the headline. Though it could probably do the job as a cocktail, sitting on the beach taking in a sunset, if you are an absolute sadist. But hey, different strokes and all that. I have friends who would consider your standard Jägerbomb something of a copout; after all, it’s already half sugary-mixer, and Jäger isn’t exactly rough on its own. But if you’re dedicated to the heartstopper and aren’t willing to switch, maybe take this as an alternative.

Honestly, this isn’t a special recipe; it’s just a Jägerbomb with a couple of extra steps. I’d recommend that you fill a short tumbler about half-ish with Red Bull. Feel free to vary your level of mixer based on how hard of a reset you’re going for. Fill two shot glasses, one with Jäger, and a second with a spirit of your choosing, and place them tightly in the rim of the tumbler, ready to fall in; the idea is that they don’t mix with the chaser just yet.. Pull out one of the shot glasses, as if it were the pin of a grenade (see title for reference of ‘a picture coming together’) and drink it, letting the other spirit mix with the red bull. Now, enjoy the Jägerbomb, you absolute delinquent, you.

I wasn’t lying when I said it's just a Jägerbomb with notions, but g’wan, try a few of them and tell me how you get on. I probably won’t understand a word of it. But do try!

Sinéad Keating

My favourite cocktail I've ever made started with an invention by my sister. During her J1 to Chicago, her friend with a wicked sweet tooth found a blue raspberry bonbon vodka that was as sweet as it was strong. Wanting to recreate it back home for this friend’s birthday, my sister bought a naggin and some blue bonbons, and set the sweets in the vodka to dissolve. Two days later to our delight she unveiled a bright blue, delicious 40% spirit. I was amazed at how simple it was to make. 

The next time my roommate suggested a night-in of cocktails and Mario Kart, I knew I had to recreate this blue vodka. On the night I mixed it with Tesco raspberry flavoured sparkling water, and since the vodka was about 50% sugar at this point you could easily drink half a naggin in one glass. The dissolved bonbons even make a nice white froth to top off the glass. The cocktail went down an absolute treat, and we named it 'Le Bleu', because by that stage of the night 'bonbons = French, therefore, the cocktail = French' was about as much logic as we could manage. The only problem with this cocktail is that it entirely hides how strong it is. The following day my body was hating me for the alcohol and the sugar but it was the most I'd enjoyed vodka in years, so I still count it as an absolute winner of a drink.

Doireann De Courcy Mac Donnell

There is no cocktail more evil than the margarita. She’s the temptress of intoxication, her majesty of methanol, the alcoholic enchantress. If the margarita were a Disney character it would be Maleficent, fundamentally bad, but oh so glamorous and delicious. 

Why is a margarita so evil? It is because she is 99.999% booze and 0.001% lime juice.  And she hides in plain sight with all the other (basically) respectable cocktails like the Cosmopolitan or Mojito on the drinks menu. Don’t be fooled. A margarita is one shot of Cointreau (risky), one shot of Tequila (dangerous), followed by another shot of Tequila (DANGER) with a squidge of fresh lime juice, agave syrup and a salt rim (nothing will save you now, sorry). The perfect balance of sweet, sour, salty, and citrus. So delicious on your first sip and next thing you know you’re dancing on a table.

But the hangover, oh the hangover. The one mollifying factor is there is no fizzy sickly sweet mixer involved, so at least you don’t feel like hanging-out over the toilet bowl all day. You just feel a bit like death.

I really really love a margarita. And to add fuel (tequila) to the fire, the problem for me is that my boyfriend fancies himself as something of a Rick Dalton type and so the Margarita has become his ‘signature’ drink. I’m not going to say no. We are both enablers. Time enough to sort ourselves out when we graduate.. For now, you know the way to my heart.

Gavin Cassells 

Cocktails are basically dessert, right? Sure, your mouth is often writing cheques your body will refuse to cash tomorrow, but they can be such sweet deliciousness. Now add Ice Cream. Yes, this one is for safely consuming at home, which is appropriate to the times. Take some Cointreau, the tiniest dash of Crème de Cacoa, a nice big dollop of vanilla ice cream and voila, your very own Chocolate Orange. Feel free to upgrade the Ice Cream to Chocolate for the true chocoholics but be warned the Crème de Cacoa is to be used sparingly.

Another great approach is the Super Split of Regret. You likely all know that Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum and Club Orange tastes like a Super Split Ice cream. Now throw some actual vanilla Ice Cream in there and add some Peach Schnapps for extra fruitiness. Guaranteed to make you wonder why you’ve woken up alongside the University Observer again.

There’s a tradition of strengthening Baileys with Cognac, and if this article is doing it for you so far, you’re probably no stranger to Baileys. How about you find some Baileys Ice Cream and pour the brandy over it. An Irish whiskey or something like Drambuie or Irish Mist works too. Be warned ice cream makes high strength liquors like Whiskey and Brandy go down a lot easier, so you might want to call in sick before you start that Zoom call.