A deal has been struck which will see a €1 million underground sex dungeon become the centrepiece of plans to expand Belfield’s Student Centre, Chair of UCD Societies Council James Alkayed has confirmed.
The future of the project remained uncertain as late as January 2019, when UCD Officials rejected initial plans to include Wii consoles alongside suspension harnesses, citing the potential for “excessive and dangerous flailing”.
Relations between the University and GameSoc have been fraught with difficulty since the project’s inception, with a senior GameSoc negotiator lamenting that “those buzzkills can’t even tell their PlayStation Four from their ForePlay Station.”
In an effort to conclude talks, GameSoc representatives reportedly capitulated to University requests for “the minimum number of sanitary stations as required under EU Sex Dungeon regulations”.
The controversial plans have faced opposition from the UCD Students’ Union (UCDSU) with a number of class reps complaining that an “exclusive nature” already surrounds the Games Society. Stage 3 Politics and Economics Class Rep Muireann Humphreys told The Harpy that “swarms of students line up to join UCD’s most prestigious society every year, only to be turned away in favour of the elite few.”
“The construction of an elite 2.3 hectare sex club for GameSoc will only serve to reinforce the inequality perpetuated by existing structures within the University.”
At an emergency meeting of Union Council which followed the announcement, members mandated UCDSU Coordinator for GameSoc Affairs Ted Halpin to obstruct the centre’s construction by tying himself to the old oak tree on site. In an early morning press release, Halpin stated that UCDSU are “considering every way to oppose this vanity project which may include a constitutional amendment to allow the Union to maybe, at some point in the future, consider the chance of the possibility of getting involved in establishing a committee which might, in turn, look at ways to report back to the Union about how exactly we should seek to move forward into and unto the future.”
UCDSU Welfare Officer Melissa Plunkett, who is a rare voice of reason among Union officials, stated that while she does not oppose the principle of a sex dungeon, she “would encourage any student who has been in close proximity to a GameSoc member to book an appointment at the Student Health Service.”
In a rare public appearance, former-UCDSU President Katie Ascough denounced plans for the Centre stating that “the right to life should not have been extended to members of GameSoc – that much I’ll concede.”
The Centre will be built on the site currently occupied by UCD Bowl which, despite up-ending the careers of many dedicated UCD athletes, has seen unanimous support from UCD’s Rugby Clubs. Captain of the Men’s Rugby Club Diarmaid O’Donoghue stated that, although his team would now be confined to kicking a ball around on the small patch of grass beside the O’Reilly Hall, he was “glad to be a part of an historic investment in the future of UCD.”
If completed on time, the GameSoc Centre for Gamers will host the 2020 World Championships, traditionally held behind closed doors. A GameSoc representative declined to specify exactly what type of activity the Championships involve.
In line with University policy, the underground complex is based on a short story written by James Joyce.