As many students begin to navigate sex and intimacy, Kelly Smyth dives into the unspoken teary-eyed orgasm many of us don’t want to admit.
As many of us students start our time in university, we come in looking forward to the college experience. Drinking, nights out and sex are usually things we nervously anticipate, yet nobody expects the moment they end up crying in front of a hook-up following an orgasm.
This may make you feel like something is wrong with you, or leave you confused as to why this is happening to you - even though you enjoyed it. You may even find yourself on Google wondering what disease it is going to claim you have as you type in your distressing experience. Here is the reassurance you need: crying after sex is completely normal.
Post-coital Dysphoria (PCD) is a phenomenon in which a person cries after reaching an orgasm, even in consensual and satisfying encounters.
Despite never hearing of it in mainstream conversations about sexual health, studies indicate that an estimated 46.2% of women have experienced PCD in their lives.
An estimated 7.7% of women regularly experience this immediately after sexual intercourse. In a holistic study conducted by researchers in Poland, it was found that most women on online forums who discussed the phenomenon described its origin as being due to an “emotional release”, with many detailing how this may lead them to experience symptoms of tearfulness to full on sobbing, despite no mention of anxiety. While some experts suggest a range of causes, from hormones to past abuse, the underlying reason for the seemingly counterintuitive response is still a mystery to researchers.
This perplexing phenomenon isn’t a ‘woman-only’ issue either, with studies finding it also happens to men, particularly younger ones in the average university-age demographic.
It has been equally difficult for researchers to pinpoint the reason for this occurring in males, although researchers in Queens University of Technology have found that an estimated 36.6% of men have experienced it in their lifetime. Another interesting result of their study found that gay men are more likely to experience PCD in their lifetime than heterosexual men.
While PCD has been suggested to lead to future sexual dysfunction, this is yet to be proven, so don’t worry! If you have experienced PCD or have had an intimate partner experience it, here’s how to help, according to an anonymous UCD student who regularly experiences this:
Tips for when it happens
Don’t be too hard on yourself!
As we have established, crying after sex is completely normal. No matter how much you might want the earth to swallow you in the moment, don’t retreat as this may increase your distress.
Let the tears fall.
Even though it may feel embarrassing, allow yourself to experience the emotions and let those tears fall. Being human comes with a wide range of emotions- and sex is no different.
Engage in self-care (and after care!)
While the emotions of PCD are natural, the feeling of distress is still real. Take a moment to re-centre and regulate yourself following the emotional rollercoaster. Maybe even share a cuddle with that special someone if you feel comfortable. Being kind to yourself is important.
How to be a good sexual partner when someone is experiencing PCD:
Stay Calm and Be Patient
Wait for your partner to feel comfortable enough to talk to you about this confusing experience. Nothing is worse in the moment than overwhelming someone when they are feeling vulnerable.
Try to Reassure them
If you want to be an understanding partner, let them know that is ok and you don’t judge them for this completely natural occurrence.
After Care!
Nothing beats a post-sex cuddle and some pillow talk. I’ve found this particularly true when I’ve experienced PCD. Don’t be afraid to offer some after care (if you ask for consent first).
Now that you know it’s completely normal to experience PCD at some point in your life, it’s important to note that crying after sex isn’t always caused by PCD. Check-in with yourself or your partner. Sometimes post-orgasm crying can indicate mental health difficulties or a resurfacing of sexual trauma. If that is the case, contact a professional such as your GP or counsellor. These services are also available in UCD Student Health Services and UCD Student Counselling Services.
Carry these tips with you and enjoy exploring safe sex!