Farouq Manji explores the dark side of chocolate.

SHE CHEATS when she goes to Centra. At her parents house, at work. In the library when nobody is looking. And you don’t have a choice. She’s not with another man of course, no, this is something far more insidious.

Women often say things like ‘chocolate is better than sex… because I can actually get some good chocolate’. Or, ‘chocolate satisfies me, even when it goes old/soft/any other ego-crushing adjective.’

Should you feel threatened? Indeed! Because if she had to pick between you and a Galaxy bar, you would come in third place… behind the wrapper.

Scientists have shown that when women eat chocolate, the same chemicals are released in their brains as when they have an orgasm. That’s not to say men don’t enjoy the fi ner pleasures in life.

We have our ‘thing’ as well. We call it sex. Chocolate is only ever used as fuel – in the pursuit of sex. For us at least, there can be no substitute for the real thing.

Chocolate contains chemicals such as tryptophan and phenylethylamine. These stimulate the pleasure centres of the brain and cause the release of endorphins – having the same effect as Proby zac or (the illegal drug) ecstasy. Translation? For women, chocolate equals pure, unapologetic adultery.

And much like prozac, ecstasy or sex, chocolate can become addictive. Ask any woman who has had a ‘monkey-go-bananas’ craving for Rocky Road ice-cream, or Cadbury’s milk chocolate. Unlike us, they would never go so far as sitting through a boring movie, buying dinner and fl owers, just to get some… chocolate.

It figures then, that women are so hard to win over. We don’t stand a chance when happiness can be bought around the corner for one euro. What’s worse, there’s no messy cleanup (metaphorically speaking) and their parents always approve, even if it is from Canada.

So what can you do against this widespread menace? This wellestablished, dastardly deed of deception?

Become her sole supplier of course!