RON backs down from SU elections, announcing campaign to be new editor of University Observer

Former President-elect of UCD Students Union RON has announced that he will not be running for the presidency this year, after a controversial second election saw him defeated by current President Molly Greenough.

RON’s supporters at the time and since have mounted a vociferous campaign to have the election results overturned, though to no avail. They have taken to blaming the University Observer and other members of the student press corps for his defeat, despite our protestations that nobody reads our newspaper.

Nonetheless, RON has announced a bid to take over the University Observer, running for the position of Editor and Deputy Editor next year. In a press release, he stated that his experience being a faceless, gutless mass of hateful energy has put him in the perfect position to fill the gap left by the current Editor and Deputy Editor, who will leave office in May.

Regarding his plans for the newspaper, RON has said that he will save on production costs by cancelling the print run of the newspaper, instead funnelling the paper’s entire budget into a Benidorm sun holiday. If he saves the entire print costs of the paper, and cuts one or two salaries here or there, he may have enough to afford a 30 quid Ryanair flight there and back.

RON has also announced that he “understands what people who pick up the University Observer truly want.” As such, he will invest in thicker paper, to catch more paint, when UCD Musical Society inevitably uses the latest issue to cover the floor at their next get in. The increased thickness can also be used to absorb liquid, should our dear readers wish to put some bedding under their cat.