Rage Quit: Fall Guys

Image Credit: Samaneh Sadeghi Marasht

Keogh takes us through Fall Guys, a battle royale sure to leave your controller worse-for-wear.

I absolutely despise Fall Guys. The game was released on the 4th of August on PS plus as one of the free games for the month. My friends and I weren’t entirely convinced by its childish appearance. Seeing as it was free though, we decided to give it a try.

That was the first mistake. The game gained a massive following during its run as the free PS plus game. So much so that within hours of being released it was bombarded by new users flocking from games like Fortnite. Servers were overloaded and it was nearly impossible to get a game going. The three of us wondered if it was even worth the trouble trying to join, but I was determined to get on this rip-off Total Wipeout meets Mario Kart mess of a game. 

After two hours, and my mates leaving the discord call, I finally got connected to a server. It felt oddly familiar trying to dodge swinging balls and run through the barricades in order to try being the lucky few that advance to the next round; all those years of watching Ninja Warrior had been worth it. The way I’m describing it doesn’t do the rage the game induces justice. Playing with fifty people who all can grab you and throw you off into the hot pink liquid that the ecstatic little Tellytubby style characters are killed by is absolutely maddening. All fifty players are equipped with annoying little skins, emotes and ear-piercing little screams of their own nonsense language. Players are eliminated in droves every round until there are 17-7 players left in the final round. I kept getting eliminated in the first easier rounds thanks to kids with usernames I don’t understand. I hate this game.

All fifty players attempt to run at the same time to the finish line of the first round. There’s twenty-four maps for the Battle Royale style game. The most common of maps to be used for the first round are See-Saw, The Whirligig, and Gatecrash. There are more maps, but these seem to be the only ones I got while playing twenty games. The second round is a combo of team events; Jinxed, Rock N’ Roll, Egg Scramble, and Team Tail Tag. Survival games are usually left till the third round, if there is one, as the number of rounds and maps are randomly generated. They are the likes of Jump Club, Block Party, and Tail Tag. The final round is one of three. Fall mountain, Tail Tag (but this time only a single player can possess the tail and whoever has it after two minutes wins the crown), and Hex-A-Gone.

Every map is easy enough to get through. The added pressure of not losing to 12 year olds and having 5 people grabbing you at any one time, and the fact that the player has bought his whole skin-set with actual money, has the power to glitch through the walls and fly up Fall Mountain to grab the crown, actually boils my blood. I’m so bad at battle royales in general, but the fact that I’m losing a game designed for kids while hackers take the win, I’m ashamed to say is why my controller now has a permanent left drift. It was no match for the kitchen tile I absolutely belted it off. I managed to keep the tail until one second was left and the maroon coloured guy appeared through the base of an obstacle. It’s an absolute waste of 7.4 gigabytes. I never want to play it again.