Quinn’s Bizzness - Issue 1, Volume XXIII

With a new year in UCD dawning, Jess “the Captain” Quinn shares her words of wisdom.[br]Welcome new UCD Students, or, as the University like to call you, fresh meat. Chances are if you’re a fresher reading this, then you’re probably bored and lonely in your 5x5 bedroom in Belgrove. You’re wondering why someone hasn’t invited you over to their house party to drink beer out of Red Solo cups and become life long friends that go on road trips together. Honestly, the best road trip you can hope for in UCD is finding someone to drive you to Lidl to get some €4 wine.Okay, enough of the negativity. You should be excited, you’re now a student of the best University in the world, maybe even the universe! I’m not sure how accurate that statistic is, but we’re definitely better than Trinity, and that’s all that matters. UCD is a place rooted in academic history and culture. From James Joyce to Lad Culture, we are a very fortunate to be steeped in the collective learning of the brightest minds in the country. Although within some parts of UCD you’ll find that the only culture is the bacteria that is growing there. You’ll also find that in the SU corridor, where bacteria are the only sign of intelligent life.It is important to use all your fresher free time exploring interests outside of your field of study. The only thing you need to learn when in first year is that your undergraduate degree is completely useless and meaningless. Once you know that, you’ll be smarter than most of the students in Newman who strut around like anyone cares about their B.A. in Contemporary Neo-Medieval Sociology with Swahili. Although never make fun of the Arts students. You don’t want them to spit on your Big Mac.So go mad in first year! Join every society, never go to any of their events and then moan about how annoying they are for emailing you every week. To save you some time, let me break down the need to know information about our societies. Joining the L&H and Law Soc is absolutely compulsory. Even if you don’t know what they are, you must do it. Don’t ask why or expect any kind of engagement, just do it. Join the society that is relative to your course for networking and because, for now, you still like the people in your class.Although, if you are in Arts, don’t join Arts Soc, unless you want to ruin your life. Join The Newman Society instead, be sure to ask them for free condoms! If you plan on joining the Potter Society, you don’t need to join any other society. You won’t need free condoms. You ain’t getting laid, Harry. If you are of above average intelligence, don’t join any political party societies, you won’t find any of your kind there. You’ll probably just receive a bag full of leaflets and a frontal lobotomy. If you identify as LGBT then you can join the LGBTQ+ society. Any cis hetero people who try to join will be blasted backwards like an underage student putting their name in the Goblet of Fire.If none of the societies interest you, don’t panic! You can join a sports team, defy the odds by remaining friends with your Peer Mentor group, or just don’t be a dick! No matter how desperate you are for friends, don’t become involved in the SU. Invest your time in something more worthwhile like defrosting and refreezing ice cubes, watching paint dry, or writing for the College Tribune.Even though UCD has a population of 30,000 people, and 300,000,000 seagulls, it can be a very lonely place. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you are feeling down, and make note of the resources that are available to you. University is a stressful and confusing time. On one hand there is this pressure on you to have the time of your life, but at the same time you’re constantly stressed out and having daily mental breakdowns. Take care of your physical and mental health. Although don’t be that douchebag shaking a protein shake in the middle of a lecture.So enjoy yourself, and make sure to put every second of it on your Snapchat story. Because one minute you’re sitting in O’Reilly Hall getting that free scarf, and the next thing you know, you’re sweating on a rickety chair in the RDS wondering what language your exam paper is written in.Your path through your UCD life isn’t always as easy to follow as the lines on the ground in Newman. You’ll make mistakes, like going to the Fresher’s Ball. You’ll find true love in the Centra Deli staff. You’ll learn the true hellish nightmare that are group projects. And you’ll learn how to say 400 words in 1,000 words. But, you’ll never learn how to actually reference correctly.You’ll get a first class honours degree if you can figure out what the D in the UCD Crest stands for. UCD Dublin. University College Dublin Dublin? Double Dublins? Or a secret underground patriarchal movement to put more D into our lives. I’ll finish with our University motto: U C D today, I C D everyday, we all love the D!