Donnchadh Brady delves into the topic of gay jokes, how they are used in schools, community spaces and particularly online, and how they are detrimental in isolating marginalised members of society into the abyss of discomfort, unhappiness and a lack of belonging.
Jokes and jabs regarding gay people require a simple though albeit damaging formula.
The humour is reliant on the reminder of otherness. We’ve all heard “That’s so gay!”, but it doesn’t end and begin there. You have the quips about penetrative sex, the witty dick-related misdemeanours, there’s the historical slight of the AIDS epidemic if you’re willing to make things especially distasteful.
Not to mention the use of slurs in casual conversation, the misuse of individual’s preferred pronouns, the willfully ignorant renditions of said pronouns and even the uninformed utilisation of the queer communities’ categorised terminology, such as “twinks” and “bears.” All of which are most especially present in the corridors of schools and the grounds of campus. Higher education, social media and the internet have benefited the world by informing and sharing the experiences of the LGBTQ+ community.
Yet, our understanding and treatment of queer people does not always translate into the communal spaces that we are embedded into – schools, community centres and the workforce. Instead, the communities within these academic and societal spaces can frequently exhibit exclusionary language and, in this case, debilitating jokes toward the broader queer community.
The communities within these academic and societal spaces can frequently exhibit exclusionary language and, in this case, debilitating jokes toward the broader queer community.
When these varying degrees of “jokes” belittling queerness become a means to exclude an individual's gender identity and sexuality, it can alter the way queer people socialise and participate within the diverse social sphere of schools and campuses.
Queer people are subsequently taught, typically at a young age, to act and behave in a way that will dispel others from making offensive gags regarding their sexuality and gender identity. Young queer people particularly are submitted to the opposing views towards the LGBTQ+ community as those around them are simultaneously solidifying their perspective and trying to remain informed.
However, as a result, a pivotal part of the way young queer people approach the world as well as parts of their personality are subsequently reduced or pushed under the rug to accommodate the whims and outlook of those around them. As close friendship and building connections with others is so integral to how we function as individuals, these feelings of inadequacy brought about as an attempt to avoid discomfort and offence can cut queer people off from finding community and, in turn, self-actualisation and acceptance.
As close friendship and building connections with others is so integral to how we function as individuals, these feelings of inadequacy brought about as an attempt to avoid discomfort and offence can cut queer people off from finding community and, in turn, self-actualisation and acceptance.
It is easy enough to dismiss these comments as “harmless fun” or, in the typically Irish sense, as just another case of uncomplicated “slagging.” But to do so would be to ignore the importance behind what we as a collective speak, talk and even make easy quips about. Our language, how we converse and what we converse about, reflects what we definitively value and simultaneously de-value. What we like and dislike, what we feel inclined to harm and what we protect. The jokes people make do not always have to be analysed and surveyed to the point. As always, there is the argument that a joke is simply just that; a joke.
However, the normalisation of belittling queer experience specifically within Irish society, and in predominantly hyper-masculine spheres, reflects a cultural fear of being deemed gay or queer. The fear of being separated from the “norm” or baseline of cisgender and heterosexual status and belonging. With each act of foolish banter made towards queer people’s history, actions and existence the progress of the LGBTQ+ is quietly diminished and erased.
The normalisation of belittling queer experience specifically within Irish society, and in predominantly hyper-masculine spheres, reflects a cultural fear of being deemed gay or queer. The fear of being separated from the “norm” or baseline of cisgender and heterosexual status and belonging.
Another aspect of these “jokes” includes the prevalence of the use of historically queer terminology within the media we consume. Social media platforms like TikTok and Instagram, whether we like it or not, influence our political and social values in not only the form of infographics and news outlets but also through humorous videos and memes. These videos and posts can often utilise misused terms like “dolls”, referring to trans women, or can abuse queer means of affirmation and communication in drag culture, an entertainment style introduced to challenge political ideologies surrounding gender roles that has now become widely mainstream.
These terms like “doll” and the aforementioned “twink”, can leak into the conversations that involve queer “jokes”, becoming terms of ridicule or used fraudulently to infer harm through lack of adequate knowledge.
The complexity of this issue lies in the fact that these “jokes'' are also reliant on the individuals who make them and the context in which they are told. It is not impossible to assume that a degree of these jabs are not also exclusively public. There are hidden means of expressing indignation, disgust or confusion to the LGBTQ+ community in private spaces that are a grander beast to tackle. Ultimately, telling “jokes” that invalidate or subject an individual’s identity to criticism or ridicule to gain approval from other like minded individuals for the sake of humour is an act of isolating the victims of such jokes. Seemingly inconsequential acts of alleged humour are damaging to those being ridiculed, and set the trajectory within society for these jokes to be made continually.