Where You Can Find The Signs This Freshers’ Week
Aries (March 21 – April 19): Loves to be Number One! Will head to the library to check out books that will never be returned, just to prevent other people from reading them.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Will be found swanning back and forth from the SU on their seventh coffee break in one hour.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Busy, erratic Gemini will sign up to 17 different societies in the first week and mix up every event date.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Will spend more time on ChatGPT than Brightspace.
Leo (July 23 – August 22): Will spend longer picking out college fits and strutting around campus wearing whatever this semester’s micro-trend is than attending lectures.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Will frantically buy overpriced stationery from the SU shop and colour code every one of their folders swearing that this year they will be meticulously organised.
Libra (September 23 – October 22): Will drop out to become a yoga instructor in Bali after 3 weeks to ‘find themselves.’
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Will be found skulking the back corridors of the Newman building or, first-year edition – trying to locate the not-so-secret ‘secret lake.’
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Will think about starting a podcast for way too long.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Will take up the best of the comfy booths in the Quinn building and nest their things there for half a day.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Will continuously repeat the same lake and tetanus shot joke that everyone is tired of hearing about – bonus points for notifying first years.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Will be the first to awkwardly try to chip in to help a tutor out in a deathly quiet class but have no idea what they’re talking about themselves.