Mystic Mittens

Before Mittens heads off on holiday for some feline fun, she’s here one last time to reveal her summer predictionsAriesApril 19th - May 13thYou should avoid the Balkans, i.e. yeast infection central, while InterRailing.TaurusMay 14th – June 21stHere, stop pretending that you will continue to read or write in any capacity this summer and save yourself a lot of guilt.GeminiJune 22nd – July 20thI foresee a few games of football, some lolling about on the beach, romances based on the mass consumption of 99s... Oh wait, no, there’s rain; lots and lots of rain. Disregard everything I just predicted, Gemini, and pack a brolly.CancerJuly 21st – August 10thCancer. Man, that’s an unfortunate name.LeoAugust 11th – September 16thOnce you get past these exams, the world will be your oyster. It’s a shame you’ll discover that nasty allergy you have to them in June.VirgoSeptember 17th – October 30thBest. Summer. Ever. You’ll meet a guy as he’s splashing around in the ocean and enjoy a whirlwind romance, before you transfer to his educational institute next semester and have to undergo a makeover to win his heart. Oh no, that’s Grease; that’s definitely Grease. LibraOctober 31st – November 23rdYou’ll probably rewatch The OC at some point in lieu of beach-adjacent romantic shenanigans and young person angst.ScorpioNovember 24th – November 29thYou have never, nor will you ever, tan. Your skin shade this summer lies somewhere between a rich fuchsia and danger red.OphiuchusNovember 30th – December 17thYou will die. How? I don’t care.SagittariusDecember 18th - January 20thYour holiday to some non-descript Greek/Spanish island will end in financial ruin and a miraculous boating accident.CapricornJanuary 21st – February 16thYou’ll get a job and end up asking yourself ‘what summer?’AquariusFebruary 17th – March 11thYou won’t get a job and find yourself with no money to fund your summer, and ask yourself ‘what summer’?PiscesMarch 12th – April 18thWatch out for European sex traffickers, not the most savoury of folk.