Your readings for Volume XXVII Issue 4, Published in print on 01/12/2020
Although Saturn may have taken the mental form of a pessimistic stranger in your bed over the past year, try and understand that this stranger may simply have needed the offer of coffee and a cold shower. Open yourself with humour and kindness to the gift of the new, Capricorn. Love is waiting for you at the other end, ya beautiful specimen!
Lose yourself in the joys of organisation. Delete phone notes that no longer serve your greater purpose. Waking up from a dream in which you cut and bleach your hair does not mean you must do exactly that, but perhaps that you need to shed some internal weight and let yourself shine a little brighter.
There is a strong chance that the Banking 365 chat bot may not love you back, sensitive Pisces. Download Bumble and match with every self-proclaimed 'agnostic', 'liberal' or 'frequent drinker' in the greater Sandymount area. Allow for romantic ambivalence to be the strongest weapon in your arsenal this season.
Triumph only looks good on paper, strong Aries. Fail dramatically at Words with Friends and watch as you pick yourself back up, unscathed. You will be surprised how quickly you can start afresh, once given the chance.
“Cozy” may be your favourite state of being, but please tell me what precisely is cosy about the tea stains on your shag rug, or the water-diluted radox on your shower shelf? This festive season is a time for you to separate comfort from complacency. You’ve got this.
It’s time to embrace your inner emo, double-faced gem. Turn your apps to night mode, bring your SAD lamp to your office Christmas party and introduce it as your “better half”, enter an off licence wearing the night vision goggles you ordered from wish in 2017 and let your inner voice be the sommelier.
Such comedically dark allure may just save you.
Not everything you read in emails is true. Your once adored youthful outlook has been exposed as naivety after your recent sizeable donation to the ‘stranded’ Dr Nigel in Zambia. Live and learn faster, Cancer.
Don’t let your new preoccupation with home yoga workouts and the recent switch to Diet Coke put you under any false illusion that you are above the rest of your friends. Remember your roots.
The enlightened aren’t always the most liked but they are categorically the most intelligent! Believe Mystic Mittens, this month you are going places.
This month brings with it some extreme cravings for acceptance. External validation is a virus in and of itself, dear Libra. Try looking inwards to scratch that itch.
Not everything is as it seems, dear Scorpio. If today’s frog is tomorrow’s prince, try leaving your lover’s message on read, and come back with the response on rested eyes tomorrow.
Good things come to those who wait and you are nothing if not a perfectionist. If you can resist opening the oven every three minutes, your perfect soufflés will rise to greatness.