Mixtape – Sounds of 2014

Keepin’ up with da kidz, Emily Longworth is all up in yo’ musical business, deliverin’ da most flip-hot mixtape Otwo ever even seensHall & Oates – You Make My Dreams Come TrueThere are two kinds of people playing this in 2014. The first kind is every self-respecting cool dude, for whom this track will be essential listening every day until Hall & Oates’s Dublin gig in July. The second, and significantly less cool, kind of person is approaching their 500th rewatching of ‘500 Days of Summer’, and doesn’t see any problem with that.The Kills – Tapes & TapesOtwo’s unwavering authority on all things “cool” (do the kids still say cool?) means we can confirm that this year, cassette tapes are the new vinyl. Remember, you heard it here first. Even if it sounds a lot better for you to pretend you heard it on Phantom radio or Nialler9. Please say you heard it here though, please.Duck Sauce – Barbra StreisandWe googled the Coachella line-up, and of all the washed-up, outdated bands of yesteryear on the bill, Duck Sauce was definitely in the top three. Since this year will see the 7th anniversary of the ever-favourite Barbra Streisand concert disaster of 2007, we welcome any reminder of the hilarity that ensued on the Joe Duffy show the week after.Not HozierAlright ‘John Hozier’, stop trying to break through as the frontman of new Irish talent just because you’re new and Irish and talented. Nobody cares. We think it’s high time you and your faux-blues, quasi-soul, would-be-gypsy musical outfit fupp off back to Wicklow with your droves of underpaid strippers. Ain’t nobody listenin’ to that shit anymore… I’ll take your auld wan to church.Some Eurotrash Dance Track with a Sax RefrainExpect this to drop in late May, and to sound like the amalgamated parts of every Eurotrash dance track with a sax refrain of the last five years. Also expect a video with lots of ass, like loads and loads of ass. We wouldn’t have it any other way.The Spotifys – EverythingThat Spotify is some kind of something, they’ve covered every song ever with an impeccable likeness to the original act. And so early in their career. Boy, the Spotifys are all anybody’s ever talking about. So sick and tired of hearing about how brilliant that Spotify is. Overrated.Jape feat. Villagers – Ribbon Ribbon RibbonNo, but really folks, there are some actual good musicians in the country. John Jape and John Villagers have come out with a rollicking stormer of a track described by internet pundits as “the perfect coming up tune.” We’re sure they meant the perfect up-and-coming tune. Leave the reviews to the real journalists kids…Blind Yackety – SanityIf a frontman donning a hat fashioned out of a lampshade isn’t the fashion of tomorrow, then what is? This amazing folk/blues/gypsy band are the best thing to hail from county Wicklow in recent years (know your damn place, Hozier!) and are set to get a second album out in the near(ish) future. Expect plenty of musical debauchery and the rampant misuse of lampshades.