‘Galway Girl’ Mundy
If you can overlook the hordes of fine stout country lasses changing the lyrics to “[Insert county here] Girl” and changing the hair/eye colour to suit them; this is actually a daycent tune.
‘Crazy in Love’ Beyonce Knowles
Brutally orange Imelda in her UV-lightphillic white dress loves this one, as does 40 year old bald Micky attractively showing off his beer belly with the open shirt. Watch the carnage as the two collide on the dance floor. All together now: uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh oh no no. That woman has a lot to answer for.
‘Maniac 2000’ Mark McCabe
This one made the journey from south Dublin to the culchie territories and never looked back. Sure why wouldn’t you love a song that tells you how to dance to it??? Yeah, yeah funky yeah.
Congeal several awful Cascada songs in to a 45 minute set, and you’ve apparently got country trance, AKA queuing at the bar music. Watch out for the car wankers though.
‘Livin’ on a Prayer’ Bon Jovi
Oh no, you’re attempting to cross the “dancefloor” to the “toilet” when this one starts. Cue floor invasion of lads in cords. There’s only one thing for it, you will have to just jump up and down repeatedly and wait for the segue into…
…‘Summer of ‘69’ Bryan Adams
It must always follow Livin’ on a Prayer, to the point that culchies have remixed it in that there iTunes to form one solid mass of Air Guitar.
‘Grease Megamix’ Various
Girls on the left, boys on the right, ready – now SING. The only socially acceptable time for boys to strap on some heels and belt out a showtune. Well…not really. Pussy Wagon indeed.
‘Don’t Stop Believin’ Journey
“Just a small town girl”, sure it was written for culchies, even if there are no midnight trains in Ireland. Air grabs, knee slides and of course that air guitar solo are all “bar” for the course. Expect to end this one in that drunken circle of ‘friends’ with John James next to you trying to drop the hand.
‘Amhrán na bhFiann’
As a mark of utmost respect you’ll turn to face the dodgy bloke in the corner masquerading as a DJ. It won’t be until after it’s over that you notice the bar staff have lobbed the shutters down on the bar with your emergency double Brandy & Red Bull still on the other side of the metal. Bastards.