LGBTQ+: All About that Ace

Last week was asexuality awareness week. This annual, international occasion aims to increase awareness and understanding of asexuality. There is an awareness week because many people still do not know what asexuality is, or have an understanding of it. It is an LGBTQ+ orientation used to describe people who don't experience sexual attraction. Beyond that one unifying fact, there is huge variation in how every asexual person (or ‘ace’ for short) experiences asexuality. Some asexual people want romantic relationships, some don't. Some asexual people are very tactile, some aren't. To emphasise the diversity, we have a piece co-authored by four UCD students, sharing their experiences of asexuality, coming out, and what makes asexual awareness so important. JAY CAMPBELLComing out as asexual is just like coming out as any aspect of the LGBTQ+ spectrum: totally nerve-wracking. Which is why I made the decision to tell a close friend of mine while we were both absolutely hammered one night in the summer.Standing outside the pub in my home town at 1AM, my friend (who I once had a crush on) introduced me to another friend of hers who'd apparently also had feelings for her, and told us we could bond over how we both once wanted to have sex with her. Of course, I decided this was a great time to tell her that I was, in fact, asexual, and had actually never wanted to have sex with her. Or, well, with anyone.Naturally, this left me in the situation of trying to explain asexuality to my friend, and to the group of very drunk boys she was standing with. This proved challenging. One of the biggest difficulties for asexual people trying to explain their experiences is the question: “what’s it like to not feel sexual attraction?” To me, that’s the same as being asked, “What’s it like to have never been shot?” because, well, I haven’t experienced that either. Explaining what it’s like not to feel a feeling is hard, because there's no point of reference.I have been asexual all my life, and so I can’t really explain to someone who is not ace what it would be like if they woke up tomorrow and suddenly didn’t feel sexual attraction anymore. It’s a little like a blind person trying to describe the absence of the colour red; it’s confusing and difficult and no one really gets it.AÍFE MCHUGHAbout 1 per cent of all people are asexual. It doesn't sound like many, but statistically that's 320 of us in UCD – and over 64,000 on the island of Ireland. I don't know how many of these know that there's a word for what they're experiencing, but I can't imagine it's many at all. I can remember the precise moment I realised I was asexual. It was about 2:45AM and I was reading. Of course. It's ridiculous in hindsight, but I knew about asexuality as a sexual orientation for three years before I realised it applied to me. The penny only dropped when I read a piece by an asexual person whose experience matched mine almost exactly. Really, the statement, “asexual people don't experience sexual attraction,” isn't that helpful for someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction. It's hard to notice something that isn't there. My brain just skimmed over the whole "I don't actually feel the drive to have sex with anyone" thing, and thought that when everyone talked about sexuality, they meant romantic intimacy. No one educates teenagers about sexual desires. In my school, anyway, the sex education barely surpassed "Don't have sex! Look at all the icky diseases you'll catch!"I have an enduring memory of having to, at age 18, explain to some of my straight female friends that women can experience sexual arousal (we were watching Magic Mike at the time). Me, the asexual friend. Ireland's taboo around sexuality has a lot to answer for.SAM BLANCKENSEEI was 19 before I realised that I am grey asexual (by which I mean that I very rarely feel sexual attraction). I had always been attracted to people but very rarely in a way that made me want to have sex, other than to feel close to them. I was sexually attracted to someone for about 2 hours once, and that is the longest I have experienced sexual attraction for. When I meet someone I am interested in for the first time, it feels like electricity. The first conversation can have energy that feels unlike anything else. It's a similar energy to what I feel at the start of a great friendship and I usually don't know the difference at first. That romantic feeling that makes me want to spend all of my time with someone, to kiss them and to cuddle with them. This feeling is so strong – I don't miss having sexual attraction. I have a strong desire for companionship that isn't necessarily without sex but the romantic feelings are what drive me. I've been in love and I will be again and the fact that I'm grey asexual doesn't affect that.AISLING BRENNANMy favourite thing that I’ve learned in the last year is that there’s no ‘correct’ way to be asexual. I found out I was asexual by, and I’m quoting a friend here, “procrastinating my sexuality.” I love that phrase so much, mostly because it sounds ridiculous and yet is completely and utterly accurate.For nineteen whole years, any time the concept of sexual orientation came up I found other, more interesting things to think about. I never really understood this ‘attraction’ business. I remember various instances of thinking “hey, people have this thing, an attraction to certain people. It’s an important part of their lives… maybe I should figure this out?” My response was always “…nah, other stuff’s more fun. I’ll find out when I like someone.” This ill-planned strategy worked out absolutely beautifully until last year when the inconceivable happened: I was the one being liked. Quite honestly this eventuality had never occurred to me, never in nineteen years. To the extent that I simply didn’t notice, and made a complete fool of myself for 3 months (despite multiple people repeatedly telling me to wake up and smell my own obliviousness). This anecdote of self-inflicted stupidity doesn’t really have much to do my being ace as much as it is an example of there being no right way to be ace in the first place. I approached being asexual in the same way that I approach every part of my life: tripping and falling into it with all the smooth grace and subtlety of a large brick.