Nualadh Ní Mhurchadha delves into If Found – a sumptuous portrait of the trials, challenges and beauty of growing up queer in the West of Ireland.
Coming out can be a very difficult process, as many young queer people know all too well. Less talked about, however, is how difficult it can be to return home after discovering yourself.
Released in 2020, the game ‘If Found…’ is a deeply emotional and painful portrayal of a trans woman’s experience returning to her hometown on Achill Island in the rural west of Ireland for the first time since coming out while away at university.
Kasio, our protagonist, is faced with a family that struggles to understand and accept her, and a home and surroundings that are as alienating as they are familiar. In a mix of anger and desolation, we join her as she makes her way through her diary, line by line, erasing as she goes and hoping to overcome the hopelessness she finds herself engulfed in.
This very grounded and relevant story is paralleled by a sci-fi narrative. Its protagonist, astronaut Dr. Cassiopeia, finds herself lost in the void of space, spiralling deeper and deeper into a black hole that threatens to consume everything in her life.
If my own experiences are anything to go by, this game will leave you bawling much more than once. The difficult emotions witnessed in ‘If Found…’ will doubtlessly strike at the heart of any young person who has struggled with growing up queer in Ireland, which is little surprise, given the game’s basis in the real life experiences of lead developer Llaura McGee at developer Dreamfeel. Working together with artist Liadh Young and the rest of the development team, McGee succeeds in creating a beautifully hand-drawn story which is as undeniably brave as it is honest in its raw vulnerability.
However, despite the heartbreak, ‘If Found…’ is much more a game about survival, about the importance of community, and about unapologetic, unflinching self-expression. There is a loss and a grief to the destruction of Kasio’s past as she erases her diary, and the often uncomfortable and upsetting memories it contains. But through the process, she discovers a newfound power to redefine herself on her own terms, and to foster a community around herself that accepts her and loves her for who she is.
However, despite the heartbreak, ‘If Found…’ is much more a game about survival, about the importance of community, and about unapologetic, unflinching self-expression.
No discussion of this game could ever be complete without praising its striking, and at times esoteric, art style. The graphics feature beautiful pastel skies filled with fields of stars and constellations, or serene domestic scenes of simple rural homes and villages. The care and attention that have clearly gone into ’If Found…’ make it a pleasure to play through. No less important is the game’s soundtrack, which succeeds in blending together atmospheric soundscapes, contemporary Irish trad-inspired music, and punchy, brash, punk concerts.
No discussion of this game could ever be complete without praising its striking, and at times esoteric, art style.
Individually, each of ‘If Found…’s elements are outstanding, but taken all together, they form a game and an experience which is without parallel. Without a doubt, the most unique aspect of the game is its genuine Irishness. Not only does the game include an Irish-language option, but between cups of tea, fry-ups, chippers, and most of all, its vocabulary - which often includes helpful glossaries to explain local terms or phrases that non-Irish audiences may find unfamiliar -, ‘If Found…’ is bursting at the seams with Irish life and culture, in a media landscape where similar expressions of our culture are sorely lacking, and deeply appreciated.