True to form and to tradition - it is time we bid farewell to a desecrated coven and welcome the new supremes
*checks notes* Oh sorry, that we bid farewell to the past UCD Students’ Union executive and welcome the new sabbatical officers. However, just because they’re almost out of Belfield, doesn’t mean that they’re out of the woods. Duty calls, and as keepers of the domain, The University Observer is tasked with challenging the newly departed to a game of worm eating.
So, how many worms exactly did they eat this year?
Martha Nì Riada
Nì Riada would honestly do anything for a cause she believes in, even if she doesn’t quite know what that cause is. The prospect of eating miniature tubes of fecal matter hardly stirs her in her quest to keep the moral high-ground at all times. She ate ten worms and washed them down with a mozzarella and pesto sandwich and an iced coffee from the SU shops. The staff was rather appalled, but were promptly reassured that this is common practice as enshrined in the SU constitution.
Sarah McGrath
Sarah McGrath ate five worms and remained impassive. I mean, The University Observer didn’t even see her blink. In a statement to The University Observer she said: “It’s not even that big of a deal”. However, a source that has chosen to remain anonymous claims to have seen the Education Officer terrorising poor first years in the Old Student Centre Atrium with facts about the nutritional benefits of consuming worms. Something something about amino acids, Omega 3 and gut health ...
Miranda Bauer
She ate the worms because we told her a man said she couldn’t. She did however only eat one, because, as she said: [she] “does not have anything to prove to anyone, ever”.
Neo O’Herlihy
The Entertainments and Events Officer ate no worms. In fact, when a reporter from The University Observer chased him around campus with one dangling from a fallen branch, he ran away screaming and locked himself in his office. He has not been seen outside since.
Jill Nelis
Jill Nelis accidentally ingested fifteen worms because she was chatting and section editors in The University Observer just have that good of an aim. Rigorous physical training is mandatory to join the editorial team since 1994 as enshrined in The University Observer handbooks.
Marc Matouc
The Graduate Officer ate way too many worms and frankly we can’t quite figure out why. The University Observer did advise him that the maximum was thirty but he insisted on ingesting a solid sixty for good measure. This publication is not responsible should there be any complications to the individual’s health.