HARPY EXCLUSIVE: How UCDSU Sabbat Officers spent their Christmas Break

Image Credit: Annie Spratt via Unsplash

The Harpy gives you an exclusive insight into how UCDSU Sabbats recharged their batteries ahead of the new term.

As we come back after a holiday break, it is always refreshing to share what we got down to during our time off from university - or official time off, not the time you are supposed to be using productively, the Harpy sees you all sneaky jerks. Or at least we pretend to be interested in hearing people ramble on how they woke up to yet another ugly PJs on Christmas Day. 

Wherever you stand, The Harpy can bet their yearly budget - which is, frankly, quite scarce - that all of you are dying of curiosity at how UCDSU Sabbat Officers spent their Christmas break. Ask as you shall receive; a Harpy source successfully investigated how each Sabbat used their holiday leave, and who are we to keep this precious information to ourselves? 

Neo O'Herlihy 

Truthful to himself, Entertainments Officer Neo O’Herlihy spent his break jumping from one event to another - staying in each one for only five minutes, before promptly resuming his interminable lunch break. This was a formative experience for O’Herlihy, as he could gather ideas for interesting events he will have to beg UCD students to buy tickets for. Rest assured however, that he has plenty of surprises up his sleeves - which makes for a rather unflattering costume.  

Jill Nelis

Welfare Officer Jill Nelis remained committed to taking care of the wellbeing of UCD students during the break. Specifically, she used her time out of office to explore UCD to compile a guide of the Top 10 Best Hookup Spots on Campus. Students will be able to see the guide once Nelis’ report - which is the guide itself - will be approved by council. The Harpy can confidently assure you that there is nothing to worry about and the report will pass unanimously. Nelis also spent most of her break engaging in the mystic art of yearning. 

Marc Matouc

Against all odds, Graduate Officer Marc Matuc spent his Christmas break in Smurfit. Shocker. He was most notably seen screaming, crying and throwing up. Lurkers spotted him lounging on his beloved pool tables as he kept working out his master plan to move Smurfit right in the middle of Belfield campus - ideally replacing the main lake. 

Sarah McGrath

Similar to Jill Nelis, Education Officer Sarah McGrath has used her break productively as she devised how to further improve UCD’s educational offer. Notably, she is striving to make curricula more relatable to the touch-starved hordes of UCD; rumour has it that she is drafting up a proposal to include the Top 50 most searched fanfictions on AO3 amongst the compulsory academic texts for selected courses. 

Miranda Bauer

Campaign and Engagement Officer Miranda Bauer drew her cat eye high so sharp that she did kill a man - and as a consequence is now wanted by An Garda Síochána. It is now up to the Students’ Union and the whole UCD student population to set up a campaign to save her. A GoFundMe has been already created. However, due to legal issues, the union cannot advertise its real purpose. Instead, we’re all just meant to believe the UCD Ball was advertised on time this year. Yeah right. 

Martha Ní Riada

UCDSU President Martha Ní Riada gave herself a new haircut during the break. In doing this, she clearly hopes to alter her appearance enough that she will be able to run in the upcoming SU elections with a new identity. We humbly suggest that this plan would see more satisfying results if the myriad of copies of The Communist Manifesto that have been spotted around campus were concealed more diligently. 

We also received an anonymous tip that our archnemesis, The Turbine, have spent their break going through all the self-help manuals they could find, and are now more insufferable than ever. Furthermore, a little bird whispered to The Harpy that despite spending the break separately, the Sabbats have continued to work as a team to devise new ways to help UCDSU finances. So, brace yourself for the Sabbats nude calendar coming to campus in the next few months - in case you wanted to book the first flight out of the country.