Green Party To Be Referred To As “Party” Following Dual Policy Reversal On Climate & Cannabis - The Harpy

The party formerly known as the Green Party will from henceforth be known as simply “party” after undergoing a significant rebrand. Party leader Eamonn Lying stated that the new name suited The Party as it more accurately reflects the total lack of concrete beliefs within The Party.

The Party originally dropped its climate action stance in the summer of 2020 after reaching a deal to enter government. However, The Party stuck with the “Green” name due to its position on legalising recreational cannabis.

However, it was announced this month that The Party was no longer in favour of legalising cannabis. Party leader Eamonn Lying said that the decision had been reached following cabinet experimentation with the drug since entering government.

The drug had catastrophic effects on the short term memory loss of cabinet members, including causing Taoiseach Mehole Fartin to forget that Irish banks had to be bailed out due to the actions of a Fianna Fail government. Cannabis use was also responsible for Simon Harris forgetting he was Minister for Higher Education.  Eamonn Lying stated; “Given the short term memory loss effects of the drug it would be unwise to release it to a general public who has re-elected us for a second time.”

Leo Varadker admitted he was an avid drug user but could not support the policy of legislation because it had led to the incarceration of many “working class yobos”. Varadker also stated that he had consulted with industry kingpins who had advised him against legalisation. 

Meanwhile, Sinn Féin has launched its green agenda in an attempt to occupy the political space “The Party” has abandoned. Dessie Ellis unveiled the cornerstone policy, a 100% organic fertiliser bomb in the Dáil this week.