Following an auspicious email from a Yoruba Nigerian prince’s secret gmail account, The Harpy is slated to receive a huge sum of money totalling to over 30 years of the publication’s current operating costs, The Harpy’s chief of finance Seán FitzPatrick (formerly of Anglo Irish Bank and better known for other work) said.

By Hazen E. Griffin | Mar 3 2025

While the bank account has yet to show actual evidence of the funds, the prince – who asked to remain anonymous – has advised our financial team to “rest assured” that the bank transfer of the sum of “€2.55 billion European euros” will be completed as soon as an advance payment is received with maximum cooperation by the “Bank foreign operations manager officer in charge of International Remittance,” preferably in the form of Google Play, iTunes, or Amazon gift cards – really whichever the store has readily available. 

The Harpy has long had good relations with diverse global communities, especially following our publication of such articles as ‘White Satire Editor Stumped By This One’. Prince Tejuosho, in his infinite wisdom and generosity, saw this and decided to send a letter to the editor with a lucrative business offer for “someone who is sincere, honest, and transparent” to “reward good journalism.” Experts believe that this is probably why The Turbine, that horrible rag attached to the College Tribune, did not receive the same offer.

The Harpy plans to use this money to pay off gambling debts.

When asked for comment, the prince responded saying something long-winded about an unclaimed inheritance fund and Western Union bank transfers.