From gentle advice to hard truths, take Aunt E’s manicured hand and let her guide you through the best semester of your life.
Welcome back and welcome into Aunt E’s safe space for you here on campus, my column. My sister, Sasha Shame, has taken her leave in Bora Bora or somewhere else wonderfully childless and hot. However never leaving our dear niblings of UCD in the lurch I have relocated to UCD to be a guidepost for you all. From gentle advice to hard truths, take Aunt E’s manicured hand and let her guide you through the best semester of your life.
Now way back when your darling Aunt E was a fresher she was what could only be described as…a weapon. 6-night benders were not for the weak, nor for the wise, however we soldiered on in pursuit of that freshers week high. This isn’t to say that I wasn’t daunted by the prospect of first-time clubbing, or fearful of being a loner, yet I pulled on my big girl (read: expensive) boots and pushed through. From awkwardly making out to awkwardly making friends, Freshers week is there for you to explore and have fun. Or whatever the iPad generation likes to do these days. And with this thought we have a concern from an incoming fresher:
“None of my friends have come to UCD and I’m like really shy and find making friends hard. Please tell me it’s different from school.”
A tale as old as time, Alexa, play ‘Start of Something New’.
Darling, this isn’t 7th year of school, this is 1st year of uni, your FRESHer’s year. This is your opportunity to stretch out those little wings of yours and soar. Now here’s the POA:
1. Speak to the people beside you in a lecture or at orientation. If you don’t make that effort I don’t want to hear your concerns again. Bare minimum people. Of course it’s awkward but it’s even more awkward to not engage with your peers (potential besties).
2. Join a society. Have your €2 ready to get all that free swag (who actually joins law soc for more than the slushie?), and go to the first night out you see. Followed by the second night out you see and so on.
3. If you’re not feeling someone’s vibe? Move on, it ain’t that deep.
Right (sips hot choc), what’s next for the wee freshers? Oh this one is juicy:
“My situationship from home is also coming to UCD and we’re both living on campus. I don’t know what this means for us because it’ll be different than before and we’ll see each other more.”
Aunt E needs some clarification, what is a situationship? Hold please. Ok I’ve read some articles (watched a TikTok) and it seems to be the case in which one person leads the other on, pulling from their energy when they feel like it and never really committing to dating or a relationship label. Hmmm. And you are looking to continue this? How would one wear their claddagh ring in this situation, around their neck?
Look, Aunt E is all about having fun - I’m the cool aunt, there’s no rules in this house (feet off the sofa please this is not the Student Centre). However I will ask you to be conscious of where you put your energy. UCD is a big pool, chance a dip and see what you find.
Alright freshers, night night, I have upperclassmen to deal with. Let’s see what they’ve hit me with:
“I left for summer excited to come back in September with my good friend group that I’d found. But there was a holiday this summer that I didn’t know about but everyone’s acting normal towards me? What should I do?”
Hmmm. That’s certainly a delicate situation. I’m sure you’ve done all the personal reflection and worked every argument in which it was a total accident that you weren’t invited. But babes (gender neutral term), move on.
Aunt E has never made an enemy, unless of course we are speaking of what’s-their-face, but Aunt E has been in situations like these and let’s be real - they hurt. Rejection is redirection. Take this as an opportunity to start fresh and to keep them at a cordial arms length, two arms if you’re below 5’6. Holidays come and go - you can too.
My goodness Aunt E needs a lie down after these. How troubled you are, UCD. I wish you the best of luck in Freshers week and the start of the semester. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and don’t come back to me without some good goss, it keeps me as young as the fillers allow me to look.
Yours glamorously,
Aunt E x
P.S. Virgos take a look at that UO horoscope and gird your loins.