Andy, Ellen, Sinéad and Nathan tell us their most unpopular opinions!
Ellen Duggan - Living near the city centre does not make you cool
I truly could not tell you how many times I have sat back and listened to a mid-twenty-year-old male tell me precisely how long it takes him, down to the nanosecond, to amble into town. Given the fact it has been mere centuries since I have conversed, face-to-face, with anyone other than my housemates, there is a possibility I may take artistic licence with this example of said conversation topic.
Me: So...where do you live?
Man: Aw boy! I’m actually based in Phibsborough for the time being. Honestly like, I cannot imagine living anywhere else in the world. It’s the epitome of like, Times Square in my eyes, not to get too ‘grandiose’ here, ha ha ha! Like if I was arsed to count every cent I have saved on public transport since moving here, I would literally be loaded. LOADED. So like, it takes me about 10 minutes to walk into town and that’s like a ‘stop and smell the flowers pace’, you know what I mean? Like if...god forbid...I am on my scooter we are talking like 6 minutes. It’s so quick it’s basically time travel like. Ha ha ha!
You would think, given the short distance that this individual is trying to explain, that a short monologue would be favoured. But no. You would be wrong.
Living close to town does not make you a hero. It does not make you cooler than my Baldoyle based lifestyle. No one wants to hear you speak at length about how long it takes you to get to Boojum on a unicycle at 2am from a smoking area. Please, leave us alone and purchase a diary in which to vent.
Andrew Nolan - Star Wars has always sucked
(This is more aimed at those who make it a mission to gatekeep everything that isn’t the original trilogy of movies. Yes you.) There’s this notion that Star Wars turned awful at some point during the late ’90s and almost everything from that point onwards is sacrilegious. Which is fair enough, you’re more than allowed to think that – I just differ in that I think the original three movies suck as well.
These fans seem to hate the newer instalments’ writing, but the one thing that everyone seems to forget is that the first three movies have some dreadful lines in there, too. I’ve had this argument with friends a lot, and even though I’m a big fan of movies myself, I get so much enjoyment from seeing how angry people get defending them.
My personal favourite story of this is when I tried to tell a friend that Star Wars is for nostalgia merchants and that while there’s a lot to enjoy (which I do), they’re not exactly good films. To which, my friend got a little bit emotional about how much the movies meant to him, and how seeing Disney butcher the franchise made him feel genuinely down. Seizing an opportunity, I told him that one day more people will remember Rey from the Disney movies than Luke Skywalker from the originals and that we weren’t the audience anymore. I then told him to stop crying over laser swords. He did not react well. I’ll leave out the expletives.
Sinéad Keating - Brown clothes aren’t nice
My wardrobe is a good mix of black and colourful clothes. I’m partial to a nice white, cream, beige or grey neutral piece but one colour I just don’t do is brown. I’d extend my distaste for the colour to clothes other people wear as well as my own. I’d normally say your body your choice, but, when it comes to clothing, brown clothes cross the line. Muddy ground, dog poop, bare trees, and dull winter days are not vibes I want to stir up.
Coming from a family of redheads, I’ve heard the argument that anything along a scale of mustard to brown tones suits their colouring, but I genuinely don't see brown as a flattering colour on anyone. A grandad’s brown corduroy, a school uniform’s awful brown jumper, ‘good’ brown shoes… get rid of them all. There are so many nicer natural tones and colours to bring a bit of joy or sophistication to your look without succumbing to brown!
I see Zara trying hard, aligning their website with a Vogue photoshoot, but no cool cut, shape or pose can distract from the fact that brown clothes are simply lacking. Brown leather is outdated but the worst of all is brown velvet... and I say that passionately as a lover of velvet. There’s nothing a brown garment accomplishes that another colour can’t do better, which is why I am quite comfortable in my blanket statement that brown clothes just aren’t nice.
Nathan Young - I will never “Let people enjoy things”
Letting people enjoy things is a nice thing to do. If people enjoy things, it makes them happy, at least for the time they spend with said thing. Unfortunately for these people, I don’t care. It is simply untrue that it doesn’t affect me. Other people’s tastes affect culture. If I am to share the streets with bronies and 30-year-old Hufflepuffs, then I reserve the right to at least give out about it.
If cinema-goers only want Disney films, then money will only be put into making those films. If only trash music gets downloaded, then only trash music will be played in the pubs I want to drink in. And this is all before we actually look at what media consumption does to the mind. Do the philistines not realise that Harry Potter fans can vote?
Like fast food, there is nothing wrong with liking some garbage media, but if someone told you they only ate nuggies and tendies you would be right to look at them with pity and disdain. I also like some trash media. The difference is that it’s not the only thing I consume, and I don’t take it personally when someone mocks it.
The bad news for me, but good news for those I’m attacking, is that I’m nobody. No matter how many times I say things that are right about whatever trash the mainstream has fallen in love with, it’s still everywhere. If someone’s ability to enjoy the mulch Marvel are feeding them is dependent on my approval, then the problem is deeper than I can help with.