As the yearly deluge of gift and date guides for Valentine’s Day begin yet another cycle, Food and Drink Editor Safreen AC looks into what food can mean within romantic endeavours.
From chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne to restaurants with lobster dinners promising the ultimate aphrodisiac integrated culinary experience, yearly Valentine’s Day gift and date guides have cultivated a very specific image of romantic foods.
The idea of the aphrodisiac as a fixture of romance has led to yearly lists containing some of the classic aphrodisiacs - oysters, dark chocolate, strawberries, champagne, saffron, figs - and suggestions for integrating them into a romantic night out. These guides, while not entirely unhelpful, tend to be commercialised (as much of the holiday in question is) and rarely capture the role that food actually plays in most people’s romantic lives.
As lovely as the image of chocolate covered strawberries and bubbling champagne is, food does not have to be expensive, intricate, or involve an aphrodisiac to mean something. Food punctuates various stages of falling in love. First dates that begin with two people anxiously staring at each other across a table in a cafe or restaurant; the first meal a partner cooks for you in their kitchen, or the first one you make together. Even the wedding cake is so central to the event that they now form their own sub-category of baked goods.
For most people, love happens over slightly terrible take-out shared on an old couch, a coffee wordlessly offered at the start of the day, or a meal based on a family recipe that prompts the exchange of small intimacies. In the movie Clueless, Cher and Josh flirt over the most commonplace snack—carrots and pre-packaged pretzels—but the casual intimacy of the setting is what provides insight into their evolving relationship.
Even when it comes to the act of cooking and serving a meal, often interpreted as an act of care, and in some cases, an expression of love, most guides fail to capture the imperfections that often make the experience better. A home-cooked meal is rarely picture perfect, and a simple grilled cheese sandwich can mean just as much, if not more, than a lavish oyster platter with expensive drinks. In Moonstruck, Loretta cooks Ronny a steak, and the two yell at each other across rooms: “I don’t want it” he says, and “You'll eat this one bloody to feed your blood”, she responds, serving the steak onto his plate. Far from the image of the perfect candlelit dinner, but deeply romantic nevertheless.
In When Harry Met Sally, when Harry confesses that he’s fallen in love with Sally, he exclaims, “I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich.” A seemingly inconsequential moment revolving around the most regular of foods is suddenly imbued with new meaning as two people fall in love.
Food doesn’t have to follow any rules or guides for it to be worth bonding over. It can certainly be a prelude to a steamy night, aphrodisiacs and all, but there is joy, and a lot more, to be found in the simplest of meals.