Do you want the house tour? Sleeping with your flatmate: Faux Pas or For the Plot?

By Aunt E | Oct 20 2025

Now my darling nieces, nephews and niblings, the reports are in and you’re lucky I haven’t called your mother. Your freshers week behaviour was deplorable. I’m so proud. The honeymoon period is over and for those who are (un)lucky enough to be living out of home, it all appears to be hitting the fan. Of course it’s been quite some time since Aunt E has had roommates (Cher and I were never going to work out), but there is a base level of respect that one can assume when sharing a space. Like I said, assume. Living together can get messy, in more ways than one.

Nobody’s Son

The British are coming! Oh no that’s just my neighbour who doesn’t have the decency to move their bed away from the wall, bare minimum people! Starting off with a bang I have a concern from one Belfield Baddie:

“My flatmate’s boyfriend has stayed over every day since college started and he’s nice but it’s like every single day. He uses our shower and our loo roll and it’s just a bit much. He even had his toes out in the kitchen the other day.”

Big yikes. I thought there was a no pets policy in UCD residence? But I suppose dogs are now allowed?

I am sure that you are not alone in this concern. Band together your siblings in household decency and make a group chat without the culprit and their partner to discuss your move. Of course you can have a mature sit-down conversation with your roommate to express your concerns. You could also hatch a plan to passively aggressively make it clear that there are boundaries that are being overstepped: Update the chore chart to add Boyfriend’s name, and name and shame if the chores go undone. Escalate the situation into a mega prank war. When rent is due, casually slip in that it’s divided by one number more than is on the lease, then obviously correct yourself - ‘oh I forgot BOYFRIEND lives here and doesn’t pay rent.’ But only petty people would act in such a manner. Communication is key. 

When did you get hot all of a sudden…?

Sleeping with your flatmate: faux pas or for the plot?

Do you know that feeling when you’re in the club, you spot someone across the room and you’re like “Oh yeah, you’re a bitta me”? Then you look at your phone the next day and you…reevaluate. Well this is Aunt E asking you to reevaluate. Now darling, the forced proximity thing is cute in theory until one day you’re not speaking to each other and the air fryer you bought together packs its bags to the far side of the counter every other weekend. Aunt E loves some tension but also recognises when she’s going house-crazy! I’m just saying that it’s a long year to defecate where you masticate. But hey! For the plot…?

Don’t Worry I’ll Make You Worry

My best friend is like weirdly close with my boyfriend. I didn’t notice at first, I thought they were just friends until someone pointed out that she texts him a lot and he does be responding. How do I tell her to back off? And how do I ask him to stop without looking paranoid? 

I’ve got a text! Can I pull you for a chat? Listen darling, your boyfriend should not be ‘weirdly close’ with your best friend. It would also be a red flag if they didn’t get along at all! I would (verbally) tackle the best friend first. Ask the awkward questions straight out and if they’re too uncomfortable, then you have your answer. After this, you (physically) tackle your boyfriend and demand answers. Of course if it’s the answer you fear then this is your lucky break! Let them ruin each other and you can emerge victorious! I’ll tell you what, I’ll wait outside with the driver and you just give the word. I haven’t been hunting in ages—I mean shopping. I haven’t been shopping in ages.

Alright, I’m off. As always, if there are any issues at all, give me a call and I’ll have the guest wing made up for you. Remember, if I can’t be a good example, I’ll be a terrible warning. 

Yours in holiness,

Aunt E 

We turn now to the weather (runs to other side of the studio) 

Written in the stars…and now here in the OTwo! Your Aunt E has always been a medium of sorts ever since she spent that year in Costa Rica with Sophia Vergara. Please remember that these messages are not from me, but from the universe! Of course neither Aunt E nor the OTwo takes responsibility for your actions so take these with a pinch of salt, have a backbone and live your life. But also…

Aquarius

This month I implore you to build on that friendship, it’s AquariUS not AquariYOU. Dig deeper and commit. If you’re feeling flaky (again), remember that you’re nothing without your ice cream and cone. Let’s keep it at 99, always room for improvements. 

Pisces

This spooky season keep an eye out for the scorpios in your life…trust your gut and don’t get stung!

Aries

Apologies are cool. You wouldn’t know, but apologies are cool. Never too late to try something new this moon cycle. 

Taurus

Taurus babes, slow the thoughts I can hear them from here. Touch grass. And maybe talk to someone trustworthy. No need for the dramatics. 

Gemini

Hi hun so this two-face thing is getting old, make at least one of them pretty this month. 

Cancer

Nurse, they’re crying again! 

Leo

You already know what I’m going to say, distance isn’t bad, it's an opportunity. Relax into the unknown. And don’t text him. And block him while you’re at it. Get a new phone. Leave the country? 

Virgo 

Virgo this is your month to shine. You are forever successful and intelligent and attractive. Go forth and conquer this cycle as yours. There are no limits to your potential. You are simply better. Believe it. 

(I deliver honesty from the universe, my star sign has nothing to do with it, thank you very much.)

Libra

“All about the balance” but you’re so out of whack you’d be kicked out of Coppers before the last dart leaves Tara St. Eliminate the excess and evaluate what’s left. It’s finally your season, don’t get spooked and push through. 

Scorpio

Mama, a Pisces behind you! Watch your back, this salmon of knowledge in your life is swimming against the current, be careful where you splash!

Sagittarius 

This is your sign to put yourself out there. Stretch those little wings of yours and see what’s happening somewhere other than your comfort zone. Saying no is getting old, and so are your notions. Like, just do it. 

Capricorn 

So nothing has come through for you, maybe that’s a bad sign?