Judith Bellmunt offers insight into what arranged marriages can look like in 2025.
When a family acquaintance around my age got into an arranged marriage, I was shocked. He’d only seen a picture of his soon to be bride, had a couple of phone conversations with her, and he was flying to Senegal to get married. He was happy, talking about how important marriage was for him, and how “women change a man’s life”. Indeed, he’d asked his parents for arranged marriage himself, which made me think of arranged marriages almost as a match-making setup.
Little did I stop to think about the hierarchies they may uphold until I interviewed four women from India. My perspective broadened; I was told how arranged marriages can “preserve oppressive systems”, functioning as social contracts between families to combine assets, and preserve caste, religious, and ethnic identity. “You stand out as a profile and category,” one interviewee commented.
Additionally, often a high level of family involvement and pressure is involved - one interviewee commented, “You are expected to get engaged and married soon.” Moreover, traditionally, families may meet first and may cancel the arrangement altogether if they don’t think the other family is suitable. In India, some may even use numerological charts, called Rashi, to see if a marriage is suitable, and in some cases calling a marriage off if the charts don’t align.
Interviewees mentioned that this is changing with the rise of dating apps giving more independence to individuals in their romantic prospects, but nevertheless highlighted that religion, caste, and ethnicity serve as a primary filter even on the apps.
Arranged marriages may work sometimes, especially in more progressive families in metropolitan cities who “actively search for people like them”. Nonetheless, one interviewee questions statistics showing arranged marriages have less divorces, stating they overlook how arranged marriages themselves are more common in traditional families where there’s also more pressure not to divorce.
All four interviewees commented that arranged marriages are intrinsically patriarchal. They mentioned beauty standards that can be “like ordering a doll” are only put in place for women; being fair skinned, slim, ‘feminine’. They brought up how women with a certain amount of qualifications, particularly from high-ranking Indian universities, are more “suitable” but are then expected to “sit at home” and give up their jobs. Women often have to be a careful balance of, ‘being accomplished, but not too much’ to be suitable.
Interviewees also report that household skills and willingness to have children are two areas that often come under scrutiny. They commented that it is very common for women to present their “cooking skills and housewives skills” on the first meeting, for which they “judge her for” as well as her “ability to obey”. Additionally, in these meetings women are "interrogated" with “intrusive questions”, related to their sexual status or if they drink alcohol.
In some communities, once married, women are also expected to publicly show that they are married, wearing red bangles, and vermillion on their hairline. Men however, don’t wear any “external indicators” aside from an engagement ring. This seems to indicate that “if a woman is married she belongs to a man” and has to "perform they are married.”
Indeed, one interviewee added that women become seen as an “identity extension” for men, rather than their own person. They become “servants” for all their husband needs with the sole purpose of “bringing them joy”, as well as being “a vessel for their husbands emotional issues and abuse”, and on top of this, “men take women for granted”.
The patriarchal ideals behind arranged marriages aren’t too dissimilar to the ones behind traditional ‘love’ marriages in Europe in very recent history, and similar attitudes echo through dating culture in the present day.
Interviewees spoke about the financial and social pressure men face to be breadwinners, and be working abroad, as that increases their value in the market. Nevertheless, they mentioned some more liberal men are beginning to carry out role reversals - becoming stay-at-home husbands or taking more equal roles.
Additionally, interviewees brought up how sometimes bride’s families have to pay hefty dowries to the husbands’ families. Moreover, one added that after marriage, the groom’s family might take advantage and "torture" the bride’s family for more money. Because of that, women are seen as “financial burdens” and families see it as a “good riddance” when they’re married. One interviewee linked this to high rates and prevalence of female infanticide in some parts of India.
Interestingly, many Gen Zs still opt to find their partners through arranged marriage, a fact that some of the women I spoke to mentioned being surprised by. They linked this to a search for a sense of security and stability, disappointment over dating, convenience in terms of family approval. It is worth mentioning how this coincides with a worldwide trend of rising conservatism amongst Gen Z.
One interviewee said that women are not always able to anticipate the consequences of arranged marriages, especially in cases where they “tick getting married off the checklist” in order to meet societal and familial expectations. Some of her friends later realized it wasn’t what they wanted, wishing they’d focused on their careers and jobs. I venture to say that it is somewhat a universal realisation for many women who marry young because of societal expectations.
Of course, in societies where arranged marriages are common, some young people do get into love marriages, and if necessary, pretend it's an arranged marriage for extended family. However, these couples “pay the price” of societal stigma and criticism unless their relationships happen to align with social class, religion and ethnicity, etc., or are in more liberal families and metropolitan societies instead of conservative areas. Some may also not marry at all, perhaps even taking part in a “fake marriage” to avoid stigma.
With inter-religion and inter-caste marriages still considered scandalous, love marriages being exceptions, and Gen Z not making a major move away from arranged marriages, at least in India, it seems that arranged marriages, and all of what they entail, are here to stay for now.