Arlene Foster heads to Butlins for Full Bri’ish Immersion - The Harpy

The aftermath of Brexit has proved extremely difficult for the Irish and Bri’ish alike.

The split has made being Bri’ish increasingly troublesome for DUP leader Arlene Foster. Although she hates herself for it, and does her best to hide the evidence, she was born in Fermanagh, “The craydle of exishtential dreyad” and has been doing her ‘vary besht’ to rid herself of this original sin. 

After praying for Orange blood, Prince Phillip came to her in dream and told her the way to the cold English heart. Foster had a revelation that the only way she can be accepted by the public is to fully embrace Bri’ish culture. And what is more Bri’ish than a Butlin’s holiday. Like in her political career, Foster threw common sense and popular opinion to the wind and went to Butlins, Skegness. While the resort was closed, Foster drank a warm bottle of Stella Atrois in her room - just like the pub - and talked to expats from Newcastle in Asda about how the Lithuanians are taking over Birmingham. The day she arrived it was a scorching 12 degrees, Arlene went sunbathing. Within 15 minutes Foster was scarlet from sunburn. She ate only the local delicacy, beans on Weetabix during her trip. She loved experiencing the culture.  

Burnt, hungover, and gassy Foster returned to Belfast to continue to be unloved by the public, and unnoticed by Westminster.