Andrew J Geeks

How do I join the family of Swans in the lake? While the Adoption Act 2010 provides for the adoption of orphans and children born outside marriage, there seems to be a gap in the legislation surrounding the issue of a human adult forcing a family of swans to accept them as one of their own. Furthermore, in a dystopian act of relational subjugation, UCD Estate Services routinely penalise students who enter the murky waters of swan-kinship with fines and an anti-swan-love ‘tetanus shot.’ Such structural discrimination is not uncommon in modern day Ireland, and, in this regard, you should not hold out hope of your civil rights being vindicated any time soon. Despite this, there are a number of treasonous acts you can attempt in the interim, such as rowing out to the island on the engineering lake and establishing a swanmune (a combination of ‘swan’ and ‘commune’). How do I vote in the upcoming SU elections? It’s nowhere near March and yet we’ve come to election time already. There’s nothing I enjoy more than an earnest duel of ideals, and unfortunately I think we’ll have to wait until the second semester to see if we get one. With the right to participate in a democracy also comes the responsibility to cast your ballot wisely. However, with the SU in such uncharted territory, when you go to the polls on November 22nd and 23rd, I think it might be rather entertaining if you all voted for RON (Re-Open Nominations). Even with only two candidates, Hart isn’t guaranteed to even come in second place this time. How do I have a sesh in James Joyce library? In the run-up to Christmas, Librocop has been known to hide naggins of vodka and gin, wrapped up in glittery bows, around the James Joyce Library. Aptly hidden in books such as Creative Solutions for Ireland’s Economic and Social Problems, and Life Skills - Key to Success, many diligent students have been lucky to have been handed the answer to the question “are you going out during study week?” Despite being a teetotaller himself, the noble and pot-roast-bellied guardian of the peace takes pride in this annual tradition. A modern day Saint Nicholas, Giuseppe “Librocop” O’Dowd has traded in handing out library fines for festive cheer. Although his love for the holiday season never wains, you should be wary. For when we return from our Christmas break, it will be all business once again. Still, when he hands you that €40 fine for drinking a can of coke rather than regulation-issued mineral water in the library, you’ll swear you saw a glint of humility in the eyes of this larger-than-life character.