It may be a new year but fear not, your darling Aunt E remains ready to grant your wishes and bestow upon you sage, timeless advice.
Greetings UCD brats.
It may be a new year but fear not, your darling Aunt E remains ready to grant your wishes and bestow upon you sage, timeless advice. I wish I could say that I missed you over the break but nobody likes a liar and my gracious new friends Ilya and Shane left me excited for this new season’s head - I mean new semester ahead!
I trust you all had an eventful break, and judging by the catastrophe that is my inbox I am correct. The crushing weight of existentialism that is the ball dropping on new years didn’t sit on my chest at all this time so I am ready to get cracking. Now you must excuse me if there is any interference, I’m using hands free mode. What? A gin and tonic is a two hand job! Driest gin for dry january, duh. Things are getting heated here at the OTwo as we talk rivalries hotter than your lecture crush, the trials and tribulations of long distance, and how Ciss Maddens can make or break a relationship.
Sleeping with my advisor, am I f*cked?
Oh! How exotic. Back in Aunt E’s day her advisors resembled wrinkled raisins with about as much personality. I can only assume that this is not the case for you. Gosh this is terribly exciting, the conversation must be so…so…informative? Now consulting the UCD AI overview of prof/student relationships you seem to be in the clear in the legal sense. In any other moral sense I couldn’t be sure.
I can see it now, you text into the gc, “bringing someone!” Advisor arrives at the table in Ciss Maddens and immediately a second gc is made. You’re not in it xx
My darling I cannot condemn your actions, except I can. Is this what people mean when they say they have authority issues? Because with authority I say you have issues. It’s never healthy to take work home with you, your masters in medieval puppetry can take the hit. However, hold off on any drastic actions until the 29th….
Aunt E my girlfriend and I are going long distance for her Erasmus but I’m not happy about it, what do I do?
Well I ask you what’s the alternative? She doesn’t go? For you? When a certain Oscar nominee and I went long distance as I toured India and he explored his vampirism, there were some honest and uncomfortable conversations. The core of the issue was, is our love hinging on proximity, or on commitment? My beautiful child, if you love someone you let them go, and flights to Barcelona are a steal this time of year. For the next four months of the semester, you need to set systems in place to keep you both accountable. When motivation fails, the system prevails. Step up for your girlfriend, and commit to the 1 hour time difference. Yes this can be hard, yes you want to be with her in the physical sense, but if I know you, and I do indeed know you my nibling, you want to see her thrive. ¿Cómo se dice “commit to your girlfriend and be the partner she would be for you?” en español?
“Aunt E I fancy a Trinner med student and don’t know what to do about it!!”
Hi child,
This is Aunt E on behalf of the wellness office here in the OTwo. I have been informed that you are in contact with a Trinity medicine student. I was unaware Doctors without Borders had established a community service.
Please check all that apply:
- You are hypnotised by their ring collection
- You find yourself wanting their cig even though you don’t smoke
- You have begun watching ‘Normal People’ for fun instead of during the depths of exam season just to feel something
By the looks of it, you’re in deep, kid. It’s not all bad, Aunt E’s second husband went to Trinity (albeit post-grad) and I think, like you, I just needed to get it out of my system. All that he left in my system was crippling self-doubt and an incurable std - Rooney writes fiction but I live truthfully. Look, I would never want to rain on your parade but you and I both know that love this bright doesn’t last. Come back to me before the semester’s out, med student you say? Hmm I’d wager they’re due a spiritual awakening any day now and will head off to Koh Samui this summer anyway. Never fear, I’ll find you a nice architecture student in Richview, they’re almost as pretentious.
Now my loves, Aunt E must be off, the high seas wait for no man, and neither does my super yacht! As always, if there are any concerns, wishes, dreams, or fears, please email me, or swing by the UO Office and complain to them, they don’t seem to be busy anyway. Alright my loves, bye bye, bye, bye, by—