Happy new year, losers and freaks! A new year dawns, many suns rise and fall in the wake of 2025. I have successfully killed the last homunculus holding the position and maintaining the life of Sasha Shame - New Year, New Me!
A few Christmases ago, we were at a family party for Christmas, my two uncles got so drunk and ended up in a fist fight. We haven't spoken to one uncle since, my cousins who I grew up with don't recognise me, and he was not invited to my uncle or older brother's weddings!
This is what I was asking for when I said I wanted ROWDY and SELACIOUS holiday tea!! Beautiful, beautiful (messy) stuff - thank you so much. Which uncle did your family take the side of? Why? What makes the other uncle less irresponsible?
I'm fascinated by the little look into the family dynamic here, but most of all I feel bad for you and your cousins! That's really rough, being estranged from people who aren't to blame for the behaviour of adults. I hope you can find a way to bond with them, without having to interact with their dad and break some code of honour among your relatives.
I can't really give advice here, mostly because I don't feel like I know enough. If you would like to maintain a relationship with your uncle, could you talk to your family and see if anyone feels the same? Are there specific people who really don't want him in their lives? Is there a way to prevent those people from ever having to interact? If you don't want to, is there a way to contact your cousins, see what their feelings are? Maybe try text or phone calls - a good FaceTime never hurt!
I don't know why everyone hates your uncle though, maybe you should kill him.
Went to therapy to talk about my ex-boyfriend, ended up realising I was a duplicate of my dad and my ex wanted me to act like his mother.
The amount of men I've matched with on an app, thought I was hitting it off with, then realised they just want me to fulfill their psychosexual fantasies of a loving mother. I've never gotten far enough to be doing their laundry or making their breakfast. They're usually blocked and hexed before that point.
These are both alarming things to realise out of a relationship though, especially the mother role, but no less twinning with your dad! Noticing similarities between yourself and your parents can be jarring, it can feel bad, it can definitely make you worry about the worst parts of yourself, but the reality is that as easy as it to focus on the worst parts of our parents, we're raised by them, and they’re human beings with a lot to them. We can't reduce them to their best or worst qualities, but accept them - and ourselves - as the complicated, messy, ugly, wonderful creatures we are. Live, laugh, love.
This does open the door to taking your dad's place. Start wearing his clothes. Cut your hair like him. Replace pictures of him with cutouts of you. Sleep in his bed. The young doth rise, the old doth fall.
One of my close friends only messages me when something bad happens to her. We have been friends for so long and I love her but I feel like she only ever comes to me when she needs to vent! I am tired of it and have started to dread whenever I see her text me.
Oh, I am so familiar with this type of person. Death ray, the stocks and a hanging, incineration, a big pit with crocodiles. Nothing is too severe a punishment.
You're not her therapist, it's not your job to take care of her feelings, and if things aren't going both ways then the friendship isn't working. You can talk to her about it, see how she reacts to what you say, and hopefully rebuild a longterm relationship.
You can also send her my tipbox link, and I'll take care of her worries! It's easy, it's free, and I get more stuff to write about! Quid pro quo - I help you, you help me.
I'm in my healing era but I want to do something messy!!! Any ideas ?
I have so many ideas, I love to be messy!!
Get a gun, move country, and work your way up in the world of organised crime. Establish yourself as head of a branch, lead a coup against the top dogs, and prosper. No way this can go wrong.
Have an affair with one of your lecturer's partner, à la one of the submissions we got last term. Or, have an affair with a lecturer! If that's too much, a tutor or classmate will suffice.
Infiltrate a friend group and start vicious rumours about each person, tricking them into thinking they hate each other, then disappear and let it all fall apart. Have an affair with someone in the group while you're at it.
Steal money from your workplace, spend it gambling, put yourself in debt, spend the rest of your life paying it off.
If you mean literally messy, you could also get into rage rooms, painting, or maybe even mud wrestling.
That's all for this issue! A pleasure as ever to be your agony aunt, good luck to all you losers starting the Spring term! If you have a question, query, concern or conundrum of your own, you can submit to my tipbox (at the link in my bio @ sasha.shame.official on Instagram).
Arrivederci,
Sasha Shame